Okay, kids, gather round. The jig is up! I am on to you and your little tricks. Yes, you know those things you do that piss me off. Sure you can act all innocent and say things like, "I only three, mama," but I ain't buying what you are selling anymore. As you like to say, "No way Jose!" This mamá is on to you and I'm about to spill the frijoles to anyone who will read. Now go away while I talk to the grown ups.
Grown ups, it's time to wise up our kids are pissing us off on purpose. Why? I don't know maybe they swap stories in unintelligible conversations at the playground and laugh their little nalgitas off at our expense, but it is time we bond together and recognize that we are being played.
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Here are five ways that kids piss off moms and I'm beginning to think it is on purpose because so many of them do it:
1. They hold their pee and use it against you. You ask them time and time again, "Sanchita, do you have to go pee pee?" and she's all big cute eyes shakin' her head no, then when you are late and running out the door, she says, "Mami, I have to go PEEEEEEEE!" Argh!
2. They toy with your emotions. They act up and act up and right before you are about to go all stern on them and make it rain consequences they go all non sequitur on you and say, "Mami, I love you. You beautiful." Oh for heaven's sake, come give mami a hug!
3. They make you look like a liar in front of your own mom. Uh huh, they refuse to eat any vegetables and tell you how much they hate them. Then your mom comes over and cooks up a batch of calabacitas even though you told her your kids won't touch them. What do your kids do? They ask for seconds, those little scoundrels!
4. The get dirty on purpose. Oh yeah, they put on clean clothes and then dirty them up super quick so that you are always behind on laundry. Then they use the time you are busy doing laundry to plan their next scheme against you.
5. They fake that kid cute voice. Okay, I can't prove this one, but I am on a mission to catch my kids 3-year-old and 5-year-old talking in their real voices, not the cute ones they use on me. I bet you they can pronounce Rs and don't have to say, "Mama, I weally, weally, love you!" They just know that purposely mispronouncing words in an adorable way makes you putty in their hands. This pisses me off because it is impossible to stay pissed off at a kid who is saying, "sawwy, mommy" even if they aren't sorry.
I'm telling you our children are masterminds of manipulation and we are the suckers that love them.
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