Growing up, I felt like everyone had a baby shower, usually for every pregnancy, and they were a big deal. I didn't realize until I was an adult that this isn't the norm. I had no idea. Most parents in America have showers for only the first baby and sometimes a sprinkle (or a scaled-down shower) for the second baby.
But if you still want to have a celebration or a straight-up baby shower for your second, third, or beyond baby, here are some ways to avoid the awkwardness if you choose to have a second baby shower.
Do: Pare down the guest list.
If this is going to be a shower of all or mostly friends—or even if it will be mostly family but friends are invited, too—stick to only your closest friends, people who will be a regular part of your baby's life and who you know are very excited for your family. Mere acquaintances might resent feeling obligated to spend time and money on you and your baby, more so than with your first baby.
If you're planning on doing a virtual or drive-by baby shower, keep the list as short as possible so it's manageable to be on Zoom or outside with some drive-by guests.
Don't: Exclude family.
Never exclude family members whom you keep in contact with or those whom you see at every other family event. Doing so is like asking for drama. And besides, family near or far will always be excited about a new addition and are unlikely to have the same reservations as non-family members.
Do: Give gifts a theme.
Instead of an all-out baby shower with an all-encompassing registry, consider setting a theme for gifts. For instance, ask guests to bring only diapers, or books, or bath supplies. This type of shower requires less of an investment for guests who don't want to or can't spend a ton of money, and it makes total sense since many of these aren't items you can reuse.
Don't: Make gifts a requirement.
I know the whole point of a shower is to shower mom and baby with gifts, but if you honestly don't need anything, don't ask for anything. Let it be a celebration of new life, and allow your guests to simply shower you with love and best wishes.
Do: Be content with low-key.
Don't expect everyone to go all-out the way they did with your first baby, including whoever is planning the party. Be content to celebrate your new baby in a low-key way; these days, that may mean a fun Zoom party or drive-by baby shower. This should not be about the gifts but about the people who matter most, joyfully welcoming your next baby into the world.
Don't: Be boring.
Leave your expectations at the door. A sprinkle or second (or third, or more) baby shower is a great opportunity to do things creatively. If you're really not into the standard way of doing things and find yourself bored at most showers, this is your chance to shake things up. Have an outdoor get-together, make it a mom's day off at home, or do a virtual yoga day with friends—let it be more about fun than about gifts.
Do: Accept host offers.
You may think you'll save a friend or loved one some hassle by hosting your own shower, but there's nothing wrong with saying yes. A close friend or family member who offers is well-meaning and likely really wants to honor you in this way. Accept and offer to help out with the planning in order to lighten her party-planning load.
Don't: Be the host.
It is always a faux pas to host your own shower. Showers invite gifts even if you suggest that guests don't bring them, so hosting your own shower is equivalent to asking people for gifts. It's a no-no. If no one offers, and you really, really want one, privately ask your closest friend or family member to play the role of host. You can still secretly help with all of the planning and preparations without looking gift-grabby.
