There's no way around it: parents have to dedicate a lot of time to their child with special needs. We can try, manage, get help, etc, but unless we can clone ourselves, there is no way that parents can spend equal amounts of time and attention to the all the siblings when one of them requires more.
But there is no reason why friends and family can not fill in. Actually, there is a lot they can do to make the siblings feel special and supported through their childhood. A child with special needs in the family affects them too. A lot.
Read more ¿Qué más?: 20 Signs you should NEVER ignore if you suspect your kid has special needs
In the book Living with a brother or sister with special needs, Donald Meyer and Patricia Vadasy, identify ways friends and family can help out:
1. Allow them to express their negative feelings. Siblings of kids with special needs often feel jealous and left out, but they also feel guilty about it. Offering them a space where those negative feelings can be safely expressed can help them cope.
2.Ask about their problems and challenges. Every child faces obstacles and difficult times, but its possible that kids don't want to burden their parents with them. They feel bad and try to pretend nothing is happening to them. You can be the adult they go to when they need a helping hand.
3. Help them with their friends. It can be very hard for a child with a brother or sister with special needs feel comfortable bringing friends home, particularly if the disability is noticeable. They may feel embarrassed. Some also have trouble making friends, because they feel they have to constantly protect their sibling or feel guilty because their brother or sister can't enjoy themselves the same way. It's important to show them it's OK to have fun.
4. Allow them to be kids. Often the healthy child tries to be "perfect" to compensate for the grief the parents feel about their child with special needs. Kids should be kids and be able to make mistakes and misbehave from time to time.
5. See them as individuals. They need to develop their own persona. As annoying as it can be for a child's identity to be tied to their special needs sibling, it also angers, embarrasses them. Occassionally, they are proud. The bond is important, but to be recognized as themselves is also a priority.
Imagen vía José Erre/Facebook, University of Washington Press
