Growing up Latina was a wonderful experience for me in so many ways. The food, the culture, the art, the music, the literature, the stories, the parties, the holidays, and so many other aspects of growing up Latina I will always treasure and will do my best to pass on to my own daughters. There are, however, some things that I did not love about growing up Latina that left me with some serious baggage that I do not plan on passing on to the next generation. One of those things is this idea that it’s OK to comment on someone’s body. To shame them with your observations of what their body looks like. To comment on them being too thin, too tall, too short, or too fat with “fat” being the ultimate insult.
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Because let’s be honest, when your mom, tía, vecina, or a virtual stranger calls you gorda or fat, they never, ever mean it as a compliment. It is a judgment and it absolutely is meant to make you feel judged and maybe even said in an effort to make you lose weight. To begin with the word “fat” is not an insult, just like the word “thin” is not be a compliment. They are just adjectives, plain and simple. What we do with those words and how we use them to make someone feel bad or good is what’s insulting and needs to stop. And so, in an effort to change this idea that it’s OK to tell someone what you think of their body, let’s go over some things you should never say to a fat or “curvy” woman.
'But you have such a pretty face.'
What is that even supposed to mean? That you have a pretty face, but too bad it is ruined by the rest of your body. That's not a compliment, it's an ugly indirecta. Imagine if you said that to someone because of the color of their skin or their race? It's unacceptable and shows your prejudice and bias big time.
'Have you tried losing weight?'
Again, just NO! Perhaps what you should be asking yourself instead is "Have you ever tried getting a clue?" Saying something like that to someone is absolutely clueless. Don't be clueless.
'I'm SO FAT!'
If you tell a woman who is larger than you that you think you are "so fat," what do you think she hears? She hears that you think she is beyond "so fat" because she's bigger than you are. Keep your insecurities to yourself and stop trying to pass them on to others.
'Your body would look amazing if it was more toned.'
And your mouth would look so much better shut instead of spewing unsolicited opinions about other people's bodies. If you want your own body to be toned, then by all means work on it, but don't tell others what they need to do to look better in your eyes.
'You're not fat, you're thick.'
Remember when I said that "fat" is not an insult? Yeah, stop treating it like it is. When you tell someone that they are not fat, but thick, that's pretty much saying that being fat is an awful thing that no one would want to be. Stop using the word fat as an insult.
'You're not fat.'
See the comments above. If someone is OK with referring to themselves as fat because don't view it as an insult. Respect that. If someone is calling themselves fat as a way to put themselves down, then maybe have a supportive conversation with them and remind them that their weight doesn't define them or affect their worth as a person.
'Are you pregnant?'
OK, so this is one you shouldn't ask anyone regardless of their weight. Wait until they tell you they are pregnant or you actually see a baby's head crowning. No one who isn't pregnant wants to be asked if they are.
'You should be a plus-sized model.'
This is technically not an insult, but why you gotta say "plus-sized?" You could tell someone they should be a model without their size having anything to do with it. Not to mention we need more body diversity in the modeling industry. Like let's stop with the size labels already and just have models of all shapes, sizes, and abilities.
'If you ate less, you'd probably lose weight.'
And if you talked less and kept your unsolicited opinions to yourself, you would be more likeable. Just sayin'. Do not be the food police. Don't do it. It's never, ever going to go over well.
'I'm worried about your health.'
This one is just a way to mask fat-shaming. Why? Why would you be worried about someone's health just based on their weight? Do you have their bloodwork? Did you go with them to their last doctor's appointment? Don't assume that someone is unhealthy because they are bigger than you think they should be. FYI, there are plenty of thin people who have health issues, but no one is telling them they are worried about their health just from looking at them.
'You shouldn't wear horizontal stripes.'
Be quiet with that nonsense! Horizontal stripes can be worn by anyone. Stop telling people what they can and can't wear. Not everyone is trying to look slimmer or thinner and horizontal stripes look great on people of all sizes. Sorry, but they do.
'You are so brave!'
When a larger woman wears a bathing suit or something form-fitting or is comfortable in their body, they aren't being brave. No one tells a skinny woman she's brave for wearing a bathing suit.
'You look great, have you lost weight?'
Sigh. Sigh. Sigh with added eye roll for emphasis. That compliment followed by that question adds up to one big insensitive insult that does not deserve an answer. Compliments are nice, but not when they are attached to judgements about weight.
'Do you exercise?'
Why is that any of your business? Also, is this something that you ask everyone in your life or do you just ask the people you think are overweight? Surely, you can see how it comes off as judgy. If not think about it like walking into someone's home and asking, "Do you clean?"
Do not slide into people's DMs with any form of 'let me help you lose weight.'
Please do not approach people on social media with offers to help them lose weight. Go ahead and advertise your services, but don't single people out because of their size by sliding into their DMs with offers of how you can help them achieve their "ideal" weight. It is beyond insulting and annoying because no one asked to be helped!
