It’s not particularly insightful or revolutionary to say that women tend to apologize more than men do. There’s even been a couple of related studies that looked into this supposed stereotype of why women apologize more than men and what they found is that women apologize more because they tend to think they commit more offenses than men do. “This finding suggests that men apologize less frequently than women because they have a higher threshold for what constitutes offensive behavior,” the study states. So, does that mean we should find a way to get men to start apologizing more? Probably not, but we could focus on getting women to stop apologizing for things that don’t require an apology.
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There is absolutely nothing wrong with apologizing when you’ve done something wrong. In those cases, it can be argued that it’s noble to admit to your mistake, take ownership, and apologize. The thing is that when we go around apologizing for every little thing, it diminishes the value of an apology and it makes us seem less confident. As grown women, learning to apologize less isn’t something we should do just for ourselves, it’s something we should do so that the little girls who are watching us and modeling their behavior after ours know that they don’t have to be sorry for simply existing and taking us space. With that in mind, here are just a few things that we want to challenge women to stop apologizing for.
Stop apologizing for “bothering” people.
You are not a bother, you are a person with something to say to someone else. When you need to communicate something to someone, you never need to start the interaction with, “Sorry to bother you, but…” Why? Why would you be sorry about that? Instead you could start with “I need a moment of your time, please.”
Stop apologizing when someone bumps into you.
How many times have you been bumped into and immediately said, “I’m sorry” then seconds later, you’re like wait a minute, I wasn’t even the one who did the bumping? If you did the bumping apologize, otherwise no “sorry” necessary.
Don’t apologize for your food choices.
This is a hard one for a lot of folks. Maybe your abuela doesn’t understand why you are vegan or vegetarian and she insists on trying to serve you blood sausage tacos every time you see her. The guilt that gets thrown your way can be overwhelming, but don’t let it be. Just tell your abuela you love her and you are there to see her, not eat blood sausage tacos. It’s exhausting to have to explain yourself over and over, but you’re not doing anything wrong so don’t apologize and don’t feel guilty.
Stop apologizing for having emotions.
We’re humans and humans have feelings. You are allowed to cry or be angry or be sad. You are not required to be a robot. Does that mean you get to throw temper tantrums at work? Of course not, but you don’t have to check your feelings at the door.
Don’t apologize for taking care of yourself.
We all need to practice self-care and that means carving out time for ourselves. Treating yourself with dignity and care is not an apology-worthy offense. It’s a necessity that should be respected. You don’t even have to apologize to your family for it because what you’re doing by taking care of yourself is setting a great example for them.
Don’t apologize for being harassed.
If you are harassed in any way, it’s not something you need to apologize for because it’s never your fault. A lot of the times a harasser will try to turn it around on you and say that you’re being too sensitive. Nope, nope, nope!
Don’t apologize for asking for help.
A woman asking for help doesn’t mean that she’s a damsel in distress. It also doesn’t mean that she’s incapable or incompetent. It means that she feels confident enough to ask for help when she needs it.
Don’t apologize for needing clarification.
Let’s say you’re at work or at the doctor's office and someone is explaining something to you that you just don’t understand. Asking for clarification is not a sign of weakness or lack of intelligence, it's actually a great thing because it shows that you care enough to make sure that you are truly understanding.
Don’t apologize for disagreeing.
When someone says something you don’t agree with, it’s OK to express your disagreement. You don’t have to say, “I’m sorry, but I disagree.” You can simply say, “I disagree” and then go on to explain how and why you disagree.
Don’t apologize for your sense of style.
Having a sense of style that is different than those around you is nothing to be ashamed of. Your style expresses who you are and if you prefer to wear flats to a wedding instead of tacones, then so be it.
Don’t apologize for acknowledging your accomplishments.
Own your accomplishments and be proud of yourself without feeling the need to add an apology when sharing them. No, you’re not being conceited for sharing what you’re proud of. Think of it as you giving permission to others to do the same.
Don’t apologize for setting boundaries.
There are people in our lives who are really good at crossing lines and then when they get called on crossing a line with us they act like it’s our fault for telling them to step back, but it’s not. Let’s say there’s someone you know who likes to comment on your body. Maybe they say things about how much weight you’ve gained or lost and you’re not into the running commentary. Don’t apologize for telling them to stop, just ask them to stop.
Don’t apologize for saying no to someone.
There is nothing wrong about saying no to someone and you don’t need to say sorry for saying no. Let’s say you’re single and get asked out on a date. If you aren’t into it, you can simply say, “No, thank you.”
Don’t apologize for turning down an invitation.
It’s all about prioritizing our time and resources. Just because you get an invitation to something doesn’t mean you have to accept it. Like your prima’s destination wedding that is out of your budget, don’t apologize for not being able to go.
Don’t apologize for liking the things you like.
You don’t have to like what other people like and you don’t have to apologize for the things you do like. So, what if you like to watch shows that others deem trashy? You know what they say, “One person’s trash is another person’s treasure.”
