Suicide is an unfortunate act that many people resort to in order to end their emotional pain. We know that it is a difficult subject to discuss, and although it is not something that affects everyone, it is important that as parents we are alert to any red flag, especially in adolescence, which is a stage where there are so many changes in your brain. That is why at MamásLatinas we’ve decided to address this topic because we want you to know the warning signs of suicidal behavior in adolescent children and the ways in which we can help them.
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As a clinical psychologist, a psychotherapist, and above all as a mother of two teenagers, it is essential for me to tell you that, according to the World Health Organization, suicide is the fourth leading cause of death among adolescents, so raising awareness of this issue is necessary.
To begin with, we must let go of the idea that children who talk about taking their own lives do so because they want to attract attention. I highly encourage you to let go of the stigma that has been generated around the subtle warnings that children give. That means that the first form of help is to take all suicide threats seriously and seek immediate treatment. The following information will provide you with warning signs that you should not miss and what you can do to support your child.
Note: If you or any of your loved ones are struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can always reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling 988. They are available 24/7 by phone or online chat.
Sign: They often talk about disappearing.
If your teens continually talk about death and make jokes or ask what you would do if they died, don't take it lightly. It is possible that they do not have good coping mechanisms in the face of the stressful situations they are experiencing in life. They may be feeling pressured socially, in school, as part of a couple, or because of family issues and may not feel emotionally strong enough to face their problems.
Support: Help teens express what they feel without judging and seek professional help.
Many times, what may be simple for you, will not be for your children. In fact, they may feel that the world is closing in on them and that they do not have the capacity to face challenges. Learn to listen to them without dismissing their emotions. Avoid telling them that they are exaggerating or that they will get over it, or worse still, that these are things related to age and that time will relieve them.
Talk to them. An example could be telling them, “I understand what you are telling me. I can tell you feel very distressed, I see it in your eyes, thanks for sharing and trusting me. You can tell me everything you feel and I will listen to you so that together we can find a solution.” Of course, the first solution should be to go to a mental health professional who treats both them and your family.
Sign: They exhibit reckless and risky behaviors.
Yes, there is the usual "natural adolescent behavior,” but notice if your teens are ignoring the consequences of their actions more than usual. If they are putting themselves at risk, it could be an indirect way warning you that they are not valuing their lives or safety. Examples include: driving recklessly and speeding or walking down dark alleys late at night.
Support: Address their behavior and the why of it.
Don’t downplay teens' behavior. Don’t pass it off as just teenagers being teenagers. Maybe you don't know how to approach them and think that punishing them to teach them risky behavior comes with consequences will change their behavior. But it is not always that simple. The best thing you can do is let them know that these behaviors concern you and that you can seek help for them with a mental health professional.
Sign: They are extremely hopeless about the future.
Almost all your conversations revolve around feeling that nothing is worth it, that nothing will change, that they will not be able to achieve your goals. Add to that a lack of motivation and with a lot of sadness when expressing themselves. Behavior that goes beyond a disappointing day or a pessimistic personality, and is different from how they’ve been in the past. Also, notice if they stop talking about future projects and seem to have no short-term or long-term goals.
Support: Get them involved in sports.
In addition to the fact that exercise counteracts depression, it can be an opportunity to find meaning in your life. Go with them the first few days without being invasive. How? You could give them a ride and wait in the car while they go to practice. It's a way of letting them know you're there without being annoying. Being there for them does not mean pressuring or overwhelming with them with your presence. Once they start feeling comfortable going at it alone, you can let them.
Sign: They subtly or blatantly cause self-harm.
Cutting can be a way children seek to regulate the anxiety they are feeling. When they practice self-harm, they may feel temporary relief. Emotional pain gets released as physical pain. This is not healthy behavior. If you notice your child is causing self-harm, take a breath and calm down before asking about it. Ask her to talk about it, what she feels when she wants to cut, and why she feels the need to do so. Let teens know that you care about them and that you want them to feel good so you will have to ask for professional help.
Support: Seek out a support therapy group.
It is important that your child begins therapy. A treatment that can be useful are support groups where kids who practice cutting as a form of relief and anxiety regulation, can share their experiences with others who understand and are going through the same thing. It must be a group guided by a mental health professional, either a group psychotherapist or a psychiatrist who listens to the teens and at the same time teaches them emotional management techniques in which they can have other healthy ways to manage their distress.
Sign: Abrupt changes in school performance.
If your child’s performance in school takes a dive, it could be caused by the stress of bullying or abuse by their peers. It is very important that as a parent you are aware of the causes of your child’s declining school performance and are in communication with the counselors and teachers of the school. It may be difficult for your child to tell you what he is going through, which is why a decline in school performance might be your only sign that something isn’t right.
Support: Schedule monthly check-ins at the school.
No matter what happens, even if you feel that your child is improving, it is very important that you do not let go of monitoring in conjunction with the school. Kids spend a large part of their day there and their teachers can keep an eye out for any issues that arise. If you and the school work as a team, you can prevent further damaging effects on your child's mental and emotional health.
Sign: They are very emotional and cannot manage their emotions.
You realize that it is becoming more and more difficult for your teens to manage sadness, frustration, or anger. It may even seem like they are being over-sensitive and having tantrums when they get frustrated. Be patient because it’s possible that they are overflowing with emotions because they feel overwhelmed and don’t know how to deal with it. They may be dealing with disappointments, traumas, or abuse that they have never discussed with anyone and the results of all of it can lead to depression, especially when there is a history of clinical depression or suicide in the family.
Support: It is essential to take them to a mental health specialist.
Despite the fact that we are in the 21st century and that science has advanced by leaps and bounds, there are still many stigmas regarding visiting a psychiatrist or taking medications that can be of great help in regulating brain neurochemistry. Sometimes there is tremendous relief that comes from temporary medication in conjunction with psychotherapy and sports. It can be what fends off suicidal ideas. Do not wait to seek professional help.
Sign: They’ve gone through a breakup and don’t want to get out of bed.
It could be an event like a breakup that triggers mental health problems. They stop caring about how they look, neglect personal hygiene, talk about how life is meaningless without the person they broke up with, and they completely lose interest in other areas of life. They isolate because they don’t want to be around anyone, but at the same time they feel lonely. It is possible that she is experiencing a prolonged mourning and the breakup has led to feelings of rejection, low self-esteem, and emotional dependence.
Support: Avoid telling them that another love will come along, instead seek psychological help.
I am being be very repetitive regarding the search for professional support because the risk factors require the follow-up of a psychotherapist. Sometimes parents think that the heartbreak will pass with time and that everything will be better once they find love again. However, if your child is going through a very prolonged mourning period that is preventing them from resuming their life and has completely changed their mood, time might not be the cure. But the support of a therapist is will serve to guide them with detachment behaviors and help them manage their grief properly.
Sign: They speak in goodbyes or write many goodbye letters.
He may write goodbye letters to family or friends without mentioning that he is going to take his own life. Although they are written where it seems that he is saying goodbye, sometimes there are phrases of gratitude or a goodbye where he expresses his pain. Phrases like: "When I'm not here I want that…," "always remember me even if I'm gone…" are subtle farewells that announce emotional maladjustment.
Support: Talk to their friends and investigate if you they going through a bad time.
If your mother's intuition tells you that something is not right, listen to it and approach your child’s closest friends to find out if something bad is happening in your child’s life. Often, friends keep secrets out of a sense of loyalty, but if you clearly express your concern and suspicions, they will share. It’s also important that you take any goodbye letters or notes to a specialized therapist so that a professional can guide you and provide you with resources to suicide prevention centers in your area.
