Having been a work-from-home parent most of my kids' lives—and even homeschooled them for a year—I've had a lot of opportunities to reflect on their personalities, parenthood, and the absolutely massive responsibility we truly have as mothers. In particular, helping my 6-year-old daughter—who had spent very little time away from me until starting kindergarten this year—grow up to be confident and empowered, is always heavy on my mind.
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She is pure magic to me, and I want her to know from the start that she is valuable and capable and important. How exactly to do that in a world in which Afro-Latinas have always been and still are underrepresented and undervalued? Well, that's the challenge. But it's a challenge I'm determined to tackle dead on, because if raising her to be an empowered woman is the one thing I succeed at as a mother, it will all be worth it.
I'm her biggest cheerleader.
No matter what my daughter is doing, I'm her biggest cheerleader. From the smallest accomplishments to big ones, I'm always there to hype her up, cheer her on and go crazy celebrating when she achieves a goal. I can already see that she questions and doubts herself more than my son ever did, so even if she just does OK and not great at something, if she's overcome and succeeded, I make a huge deal out of it. I want her to learn now that as long as she is committed and steadfast, no matter how small her successes are, they should be celebrated.
I surround her with strong female role models.
It's important that my daughter sees and knows strong, smart, successful women, who are living life on their own terms. We're lucky to have many in our family and circle of friends, and I do my best to help her foster relationships with them. I want her to know that no matter what anyone tells her about her limitations, she has the power to follow her dreams. By seeing and knowing other women who do and have firsthand, she'll hopefully have no doubt that she can as well.
I'm teaching her affirmations.
For a few years now, I've been giving my daughter pep talks using affirmations that she can repeat to herself when she is feeling down or insecure. For example, when she started doing gymnastics, we borrowed from Olympic gymnast Laurie Hernandez and started using the affirmation "You've got this." We also say, "Be the best you, you can be," and, "Give it 100" often. I also love saying to her, "You are able," reminding her that she can do anything she dreams of when she puts her mind to it.
Imprinting these positive affirmations on her mind will hopefully help her to grow up with a strong foundation of confidence and security and with tools she can use to remind herself that she is strong and powerful when she's feeling unsure.
I let her pick out her own clothes.
For about a year now, I've been letting my little girl pick out her own clothes. It may seem pointless to some, but I believe she should have the freedom to express herself through her appearance, and while at 5 I'm not gonna let her shave her head or wear red lipstick, I can allow her to pick outfits and hair accessories from what I've already deemed appropriate and purchased for her even if it doesn't always match.
Hopefully, this will help her grow up knowing that she has ownership over her own image and that her beauty comes from within, not just from the clothes she wears or what her hair looks like on any given day. You know…clothes don't make the woman; the woman makes the clothes.
We encourage her to use her voice.
Women have been silenced for far too long, and we continue to deal with the repercussions of our opinions, thoughts, and ideas being suppressed. From as early as my daughter could understand, I've been encouraging her to use her voice to stand up for herself and others.
I've long taught her to speak up respectfully when she feels wronged by others, and that it's OK to say "stop" or "no" or "I don't like that," when she feels uncomfortable in any situation. Being confident enough to speak up when things aren't right can be challenging, but it often proves to be a major asset for women, both personally and professionally. Her voice matters, and I want her to know it.
We model healthy habits.
It is so incredibly important to raise little girls who have healthy attitudes toward food and exercise. So many of us were raised being called gordita or being told to eat more or eat less by the older women in our families, which can be super-damaging as girls enter adolescence and adulthood.
Rather than focus on my daughter's size or shape, I've been actively modeling healthy, positive behaviors for her by exercising regularly and cooking mostly homemade meals using fresh, whole foods. Rather than think that diet and exercise are something you have to do to be skinny and attractive, she already knows that movement and nourishing foods are simply tools to help us feel good and stay healthy.
Reading is fundamental.
I've been instilling a love of books in both of my children since birth because I firmly believe that books open up completely new worlds and that they are an invaluable tool. Ultimately we are all responsible for our own knowledge, and books allow us to learn about anything and everything we can dream of and help us to see and understand perspectives that we might not otherwise, and in my opinion you can't get more empowering than that.
Education is so very important, because without it, women are rarely in the position to incite change or close generational gaps, but that education doesn't always have to be a formal one. Everything we want to know is at our fingertips; we just need to take initiative both inside and outside the classroom to learn what's out there for us to learn. My daughter hasn't even started kindergarten yet, and she's starting to read independently, which makes me more proud than I can say, and I'm absolutely positive it will prove a huge benefit to her.
