Chrissy Teigen spent some time on Twitter during the weekend leading up to her birthday on November 30, 2020, doing her best to "normalize formula" because she knows the shame that comes with using formula to feed your baby when "all you hear as a new, anxious mom is how breast is best." A lot of people couldn't understand why she felt like she had to champion normalizing formula when surely formula is already normalized, hence the "normalize breastfeeding" movement and they weren't shy about coming after her. But her message resonated with so many moms, including myself, who have felt judged and shamed because they could not exclusively breastfeed their babies for whatever reason.
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I breastfed both of my children for a total of five years. Yup, that means that I breastfed each child until they were at least 2 1/2 years old. Some people think that no child should be breastfed that long, and I know many of you might be judging me for it. Trust me, I've heard it all whether I wanted to or not. You might assume that because I practiced extended breastfeeding with both children, that I must have had no problem breastfeeding, but that's not the case. Breastfeeding was never easy for me.
With my first child, my milk supply was so low that I had to supplement with formula even though I spent so many hours pumping trying to increase my production. Having to supplement with formula made me feel like such a failure. Having to pull out a bottle of formula when we were out and about was like having to pull out a banner that read: "Look at me, I am a FAILURE as a mother!" And, no, it wasn't because I ever thought there was anything wrong with feeding a baby with formula or because I ever judged any other mother for feeding their baby with formula. It was because I was shamed by others because "breast is best" and that shame weighed heavily on me.
I, for one, am grateful that Chrissy—mom, model, entrepreneur, Twitter phenom, and constant champion of moms—shared her difficulties with breastfeeding so publicly and I agree with her that there is a need to normalize formula just like I agree with her that normalizing breastfeeding is "a wonderful thing." Please keep reading to find out what Chrissy shared, because it might help you feel not so alone or it might just help you be more compassionate to another mom. Either way, her perspective is a good thing.
She knew from the get-go that she would get grief.
When she decided to post about normalizing formula, she knew that people were "gonna make it a thing" because that's what always happens when she shares on social media. She's been mom-shamed before, and asking people to "normalize formula," when the refrain "breast is best" has become a rallying cry, pretty much sets her up to be attacked—again.
And let's be clear, she's all for normalizing breastfeeding as well.
She's not advocating against the movement to normalize breastfeeding. Nope, she thinks it "is such a huge, wonderful thing," and it is. Breastfeeding moms should never be shamed for breastfeeding in public or private. EVER. But they do because mom-shaming has become a national pastime.
She clearly supports breastfeeding moms and has breastfed.
She has breastfed publicly and even posted pics of herself in the act. She's not at all saying that breastfeeding moms should not be supported. Sadly, even though so many chant the refrain "breast is best," they still can't handle a woman breastfeeding publicly without covering herself up. Some even try to get women to stop when, in fact, it is their right to do so. FYI, all 50 states as well as the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico, and the Virgin Islands have laws that allow women to breastfeed in ANY private or public location.
The thing is, there are many reasons why a mom might not be able to breastfeed or breastfeed exclusively.
It is so easy to look at a mother who is using formula to feed her child and make all kinds of assumptions about why she isn't breastfeeding. But the truth is, there are so many reasons why a mom might not be able to breastfeed or might find herself having to supplement breastfeeding with formula feeding. Making any mother feel bad about using formula is ridiculous, cruel, and stigmatizing.
Why can't we focus on how blessed we are to have choices?
Seriously, when it comes to feeding our babies, how great is it that we have options? Think about it: If a mother gets sick and has to take medication or can't breastfeed for whatever reason, HALLELUJAH that there is formula available to nourish her baby. That is a blessing. If a woman can breastfeed and never has the need to use formula, HALLELUJAH for that, too.
She also got into what it's like to pump.
Pumping when you have a low milk supply is absolutely awful. Seeing how little milk is coming out is stressful and that stress makes it harder to produce more milk. It's an awful cycle that makes you feel like a complete and utter failure and I say this from experience.
Feeling like you failed at dong the "most natural thing" is traumatizing.
Chrissy wrote: "I dunno why this is my crusade now. I just remember the sadness I felt and want you to know you are doing it right if your baby is fed, mama."
I'm not trying to speak for her, but I think part of why it is her crusade is because she doesn't want other women to feel the same kind of stress and sadness that she felt when she couldn't do what mothers are told is the "most natural thing." Not knowing that so many other women have difficulty breastfeeding and that is not unnatural to have a hard time with it makes you feel like you've failed, like your body has failed you, like you are failing your child.
No one is trying to say that breastmilk isn't great.
Chrissy got a lot of responses going on and on about how great breast milk is and she felt compelled to respond saying, "the point is not how great breast milk is. WE KNOW THAT. the point is FORMULA IS OKAY." And it is. Formula is not poison. It is another way of nourishing your baby.
When all is said and done, fed is best.
A pediatrician responded to Chrissy's tweets with her mantra, which is "Feed the Baby." The point being that whether you do that by breastfeeding, formula feeding, or a combination of both, what really matters is that the baby is being fed. Let's keep this in mind and support moms feeding their babies instead of tearing they apart for how they feed their babies.
Stop being petty!
For me, this particular response really got to the heart of the matter. THIS: "Judging people on how they feed their infants is an enormous billboard of privilege, classism, and pettiness. Moms have many reasons for their choices and people need to stay out of other people's business."
