Every parent makes mistakes, but we can avoid some if given the chance–especially if we know that they could have long-lasting effects. Here are some common sayings to avoid.
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"Why can't you bring home As?"
It's natural to want your child to perform well at school, but pushing your children may have negative results in the long run. A Journal of Personality and Social Psychology study found that, "Unrealistically high aspiration may hinder academic performance. Simply raising aspiration cannot be an effective solution to improve success in education."
"What is wrong with you? Stop crying!"
A recent study by Science Daily found that parents who support their child's negative emotions are more socially skilled and well-adapted. Think twice about how you want to react to a meltdown.
"Why can't you be like your brother/sister?"
While you may want your child to mirror their sibling's behavior, it actually stirs up emotions of jealously and may make them lash out more. "Longer-term favouritism can be extremely damaging, and it’s a parent’s responsibility to regulate themselves and their partner to make sure that one child isn’t given more attention," explained a journal Demography.
"You're so shy."
Dr. Tovah Klein, the author of How Toddlers Thrive, describes shyness as "a temporary emotional state." They could be reacting to a situation that makes them uncomfortable. Making it an issue could reinforce the behavior.
"Why did you do that?!"
Studies have found that yelling at your child affects self-esteem and makes a child feel ashamed and unable to cope. Addressing them in a calm fashion will lead to better results for child and yourself.
"What will the neighbors think?"
In some communities, neighbors are like extended family. Putting emphasis on the power of gossip tied with self image could cause harm in the future. Don't make it about the neighbors or their opinions to avoid shaming.
"Don't eat that or you'll get gordita."
This is common with abuelas and older generations, but let's make an effort to not continue the pattern as parents. An NCBI 2016 study found that "parent's comments about her childhood weight were related to her weight and body dissatisfaction as an adult."
"Stop being so lazy."
This is actually a way of putting your kid down. They won't be motivated to do better if you start off by calling them lazy.
"You're just like your mom/dad."
For children that come from divorced homes, it's especially important not to compare the child to the absentee parent. This causes stress, low self-esteem and low self-worth.
"You're making me sad/angry."
You're a grown up and responsible for your own feelings. Don't add all of that added pressure on a kid.
