It's summer break and although I love having my kids around more, there are some things I wish school would do a better job of teaching them. I mean, I know these lessons are really up to me to teach, but a mami could use a little help from the educational system, qué no?
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During the summer, sleep in!
Uh, what is the point of having a summer break if you aren’t going to sleep in? During the school year I can’t wake them up on time, but during summer break they are up earlier than during the school year. Is this some kind of a cruel trick they are playing on me?
Wake mami up with cafecito
Learning how to brew your mother the perfect cup of Bustelo before you storm into her room demanding things really should be a part of every teacher’s lesson plan.
Don’t bother mami when she’s in the bathroom
Will they ever stop trying to talk to me through the bathroom door? I have to lock it because they will come in otherwise and they don’t care if it smells disgusting in there.
How to unclog the toilet
I have been stressing the importance of the ration of toilet paper used versus flushes needed to ensure that a clogged toilet does not happen, but it still happens way too often. Would it be too much to expect schools to teach my kids some basic plumbing skills because I have enough to do without having to unclog the toilets they clog?
How to use all the remotes
How am I supposed to teach my kid how to use all the remotes in the house when I don't even know how to use them?
How to load the dishwasher correctly
This should be taught as a part of geometry or maybe video game developers should come up with a loading the dishwasher game because I’m telling you that children (and husbands) don’t seem to have a natural ability to do it well.
The correct way to squeeze toothpaste
If they would simply test and grade children on how you are supposed to squeeze toothpaste from the bottom of the tube, then mothers everywhere would not have to yell at their kids for always doing it wrong.
That Vicks might not cure everything, but it doesn’t hurt
I mean why do kids even bother fighting the Vicks cure? Put the Vicks on and if you don’t feel better we will eventually take you to the doctor, but really it’s a waste of time if you don’t try the Vicks first.
You should never tell your mother you are bored
Really, kid? I’m folding your chonies, reloading the dishwasher you loaded horribly and nursing your baby sister at the same time and you are gonna come up to me and tell me you are bored?! Ha! Grab a broom, start sweepin’ and let’s call it a pachanga!
The ability to recognize that look
That look that every mom gets when she's DONE! When you see that look on your mom’s face, do not speak, do not grunt, do not even exhale loudly. Simply walk out of the room as quietly as you can. This is a survival skill kids should learn at school, no?
