You've been pregnant and getting ready to give birth and then the time comes and even if you've been begging for it to come, you're like, I'm not ready! Hold on because it is going to some kind of ride and there is nothing to it but to do it. Your brain is going to be right there with you thinking all kinds of craziness and making you say it too. It's okay mama, you're allowed to because it doesn't get any more intense than this.
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Here are 71 Shocking thoughts that rush through your head during labor:
1. Why am I so grouchy?
2. Where the heck is (insert name of partner here) so I can yell at him about not having put the baby's crib together yet?
3. Wow, I really have to poop.
4. Why can't I poop? Am I constipated.
5. I think I need to drink some prune juice.
6. Wait a second, that's not POOP! I think the baby is coming.
7. Someone call the doctor, NOW!
8. Mami, where is my mami? I want my mami!
9. Did someone call the doctor yet?
10. What do you mean how far apart are the contraction? Do I look like I have a friggin digital timer on my belly?
11. The hospital said I had time to take a bath. Okay, that sounds like a good idea. Someone run the water for me please.
12.Yeah, no the bath thing isn't going to happen, those fools at the hospital are on crack or something. We need to go NOW!
13. The baby is coming, the baby is coming!
14. I'm not ready for the baby to come!
15. This is absolutely the most inconvenient time to have a baby ever!
16. Get the car!
17. I don't think I can make it to the car.
18. No really, I can't even stand up straight right now.
19. Okay, quick, I can move for a second.
20. Did he grab my bad? I hope he grabbed my bag.
21. Why are you running red lights? Are you insane!
22. What the hell is the matter with you, can't you drive any faster? I'm having a baby here.
23. Oh thank GAWD, we made it to the hospital.
24. Uh, where do you think you are going? I can't get out of the car without help you id…
25. Oh you were getting a wheelchair, that's nice.
26. Why is this hospital employee asking me why I'm here? Do you really think this is a beer gut?
27. Okay, finally. We're in the maternity ward where people will know what to do.
28. Uh, this really hurts. I want some help!
29. Mierda, how dilated did she say I was?
30. Hurry up idiots, I'm going to miss my epidural window.
31. And my water just broke!
32. Oooooouuuchhhh!!! It really hurts.
33. This is NOT normal.
34. Nurse, I really want an epirdural.
35. What do you mean it's too late? I told you it hurts. I cannot do this.
36. Lady, you don't know me. If I say I can't do it, then I can't do it.
37. Oh my god, my husband is useless. He's standing there like a deer in headlights.
38. I hope I don't poop on anyone.
39. No I don't want a mirror so I can see all the action down there. I can feel it, isn't that enough?
40. I am absolutely never getting pregnant again. This is too much.
41. This is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life.
42. I don't want to do it anymore.
43. Please stop. Someone make it stop.
44. What if I die?
45. Oh no, what if the baby dies?!
46. I need to get it together.
47. I am so thirsty.
48. I think I'm going to puke.
49. I hate everyone is this room. I hope I poop on every single one of them.
50. Put that friggin' camera phone away or I am going to shove it down your throat.
51. Ahhhh, it's coming!!!
52. Did the doctor just tell me it would be better if I didn't curse? Is she out of her effin' mind?!
53. Do I want to feel it's head? Uh, I guess so.
54. Oh my gosh it feels like a little hairy tomato.
55. Ahhhhhhh!!!!! It HUUUUURRRRRTSSSS!!!!
56. Okay, one more push, one more push, I can do this!.
57. Is it out? Is it out?
58. Why isn't she crying? She should be crying!
59. She's crying!!! Yay!!!
60. Oh my gawd, she's amazing! She's so little and perfect.
61. What do you mean I'm not done?
62. I have to push out the placenta?
63. That's B.S!
64. Fine, but I'm not gonna like it.
65. Okay, back to you gorgeous. Hi, little one.
66. Honey, look at our baby. Isn't she beautiful?
67. Wow, you'd think I'd be so tired after all that, but I've got some kind of a rush going on now.
68. Did you see what I just did?
69. I was amazing! I hardly complained at all. I mean considering how much it hurt.
70. I'm a superstar. I can't wait to have another. Woo hoo!!!
71. Where is the camera phone? Why aren't you taking pictures of this? I swear, do I have to do everything?
Congratulations, you've given birth!
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