Before having babies, I thought I knew what parenting was all about. Boy, was I naïve and pompous? If I could go back in time, I'd probably slap and shake myself. I thought that parenting would be easy. Not easy like sitting on a beach in Aruba drinking appletinis, no, but I knew there would be some work and sacrifice. I knew there would be an adjustment period to get into a rhythm. I had no idea that adjustment period would be forever.
Here are five lies, like the one above, we believe about parenting before having children.
Read more ¿Qué más?: 10 Things no one will tell you about being a stay-at-home mom
You can still eat out. I thought that I would still eat out at restaurants. Come on, how hard can it be? Just start when they are babies and they will be used to behaving in public. Excuse me while I laugh. Firstly, yes, you can take newborns anywhere because all they ever do is sleep and eat. They are like cats. Unfortunately, no training in the world can save you from an overtired and cranky toddler who only eats chicken tenders. Also, forget about ever eating hot food until the kids go to college.
You will sleep. Yes, you will sleep the sleep that only a mother does. It's half awake so that you can hear every single hiccup, cough or deep breath. It only happens in between feedings and regular visits to check that small people are breathing throughout the night. My advice, invest in some big sunglasses to cover all that luggage under your eyes. And hey, you can sleep when you're dead.
You will breastfeed/make homemade baby food/wear cloth diapers. Oh, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Secret: We all planned to give birth naturally, breastfeed for the first year, make homemade baby food from only locally grown organic fruits and veggies, and cloth diaper our precious babies. Unfortunately, once the mommy brain and actual labor starts you may find yourself scrapping that plan in favor of survival. Don't feel bad. Sometimes life just doesn't cooperate and fantasy and reality seldom match up. Just do what's best for you and your baby and move along. No time for extra mommy guilt. More will be coming shortly.
You will never co-sleep. You'll let your baby cry it out. Never say never. I swore that I would never co-sleep.. It was simply too dangerous and I wanted our bed to be for my husband and myself. We needed to be a couple. A couple of pompous asses who thought we could control everything. Our first baby always fell asleep while nursing and when I tried to put her in her crib, she would startle awake and wail for an hour, just in time for her next feeding. After a couple weeks of no sleep, I relented and let her fall asleep on me and then next to me. I never really slept anyways so it was completely safe. Her sister, Colic-Is-my-Namo, came alone and staked her claim in our bed as well. Six years later, most nights they sleep in their own bed.
Your kid will never act "that" way in public. If you really believe this, I am sorry to tell you that your kid will act just like that and maybe even worse in public because toddlers are like timebombs. If you don't get them home in time for their naps and meals, they will, indeed, explode. You have been warned.
If you think this is hard you should try pregnancy with a toddler's foot in your face as she lies in the middle of you and your husband. It truly is a wonder any of us ever get pregnant more than once.
Image via Meemal/Flickr
