One of the biggest frustrations parents raising bilingual kids have is that although they speak Spanish to their children all the time, they usually can't get them to respond in the minority language. Most of the times, it has to do with typical and normal rebellion on the part of children who don't want to be different from the rest, but some times it's not that. Some times it's just that speaking English comes more natural for a child, especially if the exposure he or she is receiving to Spanish is minimal. Such is the case with a dear friend of mine who wrote me an email recently asking me for advice.
Like the majority of those raising bilingual children, my friend is using the OPOL method to raise his daughters speaking both English and Spanish. In his case, this means that he speaks to them in Spanish and his wife speaks to them in English. And while he tells me his little girls understand pretty much everything he says to them in Spanish, his 3 1/2-year-old talks to him almost exclusively in English.
So here's what I told him and what I tell any other parent who has the same worry:
1. Don't stop speaking Spanish. No matter how frustrated, disappointed or sad you are about the fact that you've been putting so much effort into speaking to your kids solely in Spanish and they always choose to speak to you in English, just don't quit. I always like to tell the story of my now 23-year-old goddaughter to whom we spoke to in Spanish all the time and she always responded in English. We used to think she didn't know how to speak Spanish, but we were proven wrong time and time again whenever speaking Spanish was the only option for her to communicate with those around her who were not bilingual.
2. Read to them in Spanish. Even if you are already doing this, read some more. Make sure you have a good variety of books in Spanish in your house, from picture books to chapter books and everything in between regardless of your kids' ages. Spanish should always feel like a normal part of their everyday lives and not something that they "have" to do.
3. Build a Spanish-speaking community. Being your child's sole source of Spanish is tricky. I'm not saying they won't end up bilingual, but you need as much support as possible–especially if you're the parent who spends less time with them because of work or other responsibilities. Maybe there's a playgroup you can join that is willing to meet on weekends. Or maybe you can get a babysitter who speaks Spanish and ask her to only speak to your kids in the minority language. If none of these options are available, then at least make sure your kids are hearing Spanish from their grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, even if they don't live near you by using technology such as Skype or Facetime.
4. Praise them constantly. Resist the urge to correct every little thing they say and praise them instead. Make them feel confident so they want to continue exploring their abilities in Spanish.
5. Tell them Spanish is a super power. I know, this may a bit crazy, but I have a friend who has told her three boys that speaking Spanish makes them special, that it's their super power and that only a few other kids can say the same! I say, whatever works!
Finally, please don't get discouraged. I'm sure nothing would make you happier than hearing your child speak in your mother tongue, but I assure you that even if they don't, you're giving them a great gift that will stay with forever change who they are and how they see the world.
