I don't know about you, but I grew up having to kiss everyone good night if I ever expected to go to bed and get some sleep. And the kissing thing wasn't just at bedtime. I have a huge Latino family and that meant puckering up to say hello and good-bye was pretty standard. I'm sure there were days when my face was just stuck in a pucker. It was considered good manners and expected for my child-self to kiss my elders and there was no way I could have refused. Pues, now Lucy Emmerson, coordinator of the Sex Education Forum, is advising that forcing children to kiss relatives can be harmful and that maybe kids should just hug, shake hands, or high-five their relatives. Hold on to your abuelas because they are about to lose their chanclas.
Read more ¿Qué más?: 10 Things your abuela NEVER wants to hear
Okay, so why does Emmerson claim that forcing children to kiss relatives can be harmful? She says: "Much is learnt by young children from everyday experiences about whether or not their opinion is valued and if they have any control over physical contact with others." In other words, it is important to teach our children about consent and that they have a say in who gets to touch them. I get it. Especially since most sexual offenses are perpetrated by someone the victim knows.
Still, I think there is a big difference between telling your child to kiss someone good-bye and having your child be put at danger for sexual abuse. I like the way that Norman Wells, director of the Family Education Trust, put it though: "Even if the distinction is lost on the Sex Education Forum, children and young people are able to recognize that there is all the difference in the world between self-consciously–and perhaps on occasion reluctantly–kissing an uncle or aunt on the cheek on the one hand, and accepting unwanted sexual advances on the other."
I do ask my children to kiss people goodbye, but I also listen to my children. If my child really doesn't want to kiss someone good-bye, I don't make them. I make them say good-bye in another way because if they are not comfortable with someone, I want them to know that I respect that.
Abuelas everywhere put your chanclas away, I'm sure your nietos will still kiss you.
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