“I want to raise a miserable child,” said no one ever. At least that’s our hope because the goal should always be to raise happy children. Still, that doesn’t mean that we have to provide them with perfect childhoods or be perfect ourselves, which is great because that would be impossible. We're actually pretty sure that trying to be perfect has very little to do with being happy. Plus, children don't need perfection because they are wonderfully resilient. What they do need is our help in providing them with an environment that fosters happiness, and that is totally doable.
More from MamásLatinas: Secrets of happy moms
So much of parenting is instinctual. We can read expert opinions on how things should be done that leave us feeling like complete and utter failures, but the truth is that there is no one way to be a good parent, and there is no one way to raise a happy child. When something works, we can tell by the joy on a child’s face. When something doesn’t work, we can feel it in our hearts, and they can too. Here are a few suggestions that we would like to offer on ways to raise a happy child.
Start with yourself!
How can you raise happy children if you are not happy yourself? Do things that make you happy so that your kids can see your joy. Joy is contagious, and so is misery. Never feel guilty about feeding your own joy, because your joy will feed your family’s joy as well.
Keep them well fed.
Kids need to eat at regular intervals. Don't let them miss a meal or skip a snack, because the consequences are real. They will be less able to focus, and they'll get grouchy. Also, remember that sometimes kids can’t always recognize when they need a snack. They just start acting up, and then as soon as they eat something they go back to being little darlings.
They need their sleep!
We all need our sleep, but since children are still developing and we are their parents, it’s important that we do our best to make sure they are sleeping enough. When kids don’t get enough sleep, they become irritable, have difficulty learning, and can even be more prone to injuries. Set regular bedtimes, and stick to them. Their sleep needs will change as they age, but their need for sleep will always be important. If you’re not sure your children are getting enough sleep, talk to their pediatrician.
Let them ask all the questions—just know you don’t have to answer immediately.
Kids like to ask a lot of questions. It makes sense since everything is new to them. Sometimes when you are a parent on the receiving end of all those questions, it can be frustrating. Been there, felt that. Still, it’s important that children feel like they can go to their parents to ask for answers. If you’re busy when they come to you, just acknowledge their question and tell them to hold onto it or write it down, and when you sit down to have dinner or at some other time that works for you, they can ask you again because you’ll have more time to discuss.
Let them fail.
Of course, we all want our children to succeed at everything they do, but the truth is that we all fail sometimes, and it’s OK. We learn so much from our failures. Let them feel bad, because they need to process, but then encourage them to try again. Remind them that even the most successful people in the world have failed at something many times over.
Teach them how to express their feelings.
If a child is having a tantrum or acting out, you better believe the behavior is a manifestation of how they are feeling emotionally. They may not have the words or ability to express their feelings, so those feelings come out in other ways. It’s important as an adult that you help them find ways to express what they are feeling. You can do that by modeling the behavior for them. If you’re angry and lash out, you can stop and say, “I’m sorry I’m yelling. I’m upset because (fill in the blank).”
Let them vent.
Letting them express their feelings means that sometimes you just have to let them vent. If they feel like crying, let them. Why should we expect them to suck it up and act like an adult when they aren’t?
Teach them that every day is a great day to be grateful.
Gratitude is a gift. When you practice gratitude for the things you have, it makes you even more grateful. When you are grateful, you tend to see something positive even when there is a lot of negativity around. You can foster a gratitude practice by having your child name three things they are grateful for each day.
Help them help themselves.
They won’t stay children forever, and when they are no longer children they will need to be able to fend for themselves, so start teaching them skills early on that will help them be independent. Be sure to celebrate their accomplishments, too. Learning how to tie their shoelaces, cook an egg, or safely use a knife is a big deal.
Let them be free!
Children need structure, but they also need to be free. Let them have time to just play. Let them make messes, let them get dirty, let them choose how they want to play, and let them have fun even if you don’t understand why what they are doing is fun to them.
Allow them to make choices.
Be honest—are there some things that maybe you’re a little uptight about when it comes to your kids? For example, let’s say your kid wants to wear mismatched socks as a choice, not because they don’t have any clean matching socks. There are a lot of parents out there who don’t let their kids do that kind of thing because of el qué dirán and how it will reflect on them as parents. Question your reactions when you automatically want to say no to a small choice your child wants to make. Let them make some choices whenever possible. It’s fun and joyful for them.
Pick your battles.
Along with the whole "let them make choices" thing, remember to pick your battles. There are going to be a whole lot of fights going on in your home if things always have to be done exactly the way that you think they should be done and no other way. Let the small stuff go, and dig in your heels only for things that really matter, like wearing clean underwear and getting enough sleep.
Let them say “no.”
Kids need to know that they have the option to say “no” in life. Too often we focus on teaching our children to respect authority and be polite, but we forget to teach them that they don’t have to do everything someone tells them to do out of politeness. If someone wants them to do something that they don’t want to do, they should not feel guilty saying no. You might get some flak for going against certain cultural traditions, like when kids are expected to kiss a roomful of people they may not even know.
Teach them how to be a team player.
Your home is the perfect place to start. You live there together, which is why together you should be responsible for taking care of it. Let’s say you ask them to clean something and they complain. Remind them that you all do things for each other because you are part of a team. Being a part of a team means that you look out for each other.
Let them know that they are loved.
Don’t assume your kids know that you love them just because you run yourself ragged taking care of them and providing them with as much as you can. You need to tell them with words, and you need to show it to them with hugs and kisses. At some point, they will tell you to knock it off with all the lovey-doveyness, but by then you will have filled them with so much of your love that they will carry it with them forever.
