The first day of school is a big deal for both child and parent. Some children can have a very difficult time being separated from their parents when it's time to start school, which is why it's not uncommon to see children crying during drop-off. Let’s be honest, some parents can have a really hard time leaving their child at school for the first time as well, and that’s OK. Humans of all ages have feelings and adapting to changes can be harder for some than others. The good news is that humans of all ages are also incredibly resilient and adaptable, so even if there are tears on the first day of school, that doesn’t mean there will always be tears. Also, we have tips to share with how to cope with tears on the first day of school so that you don’t go into the situation unprepared.
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Whether it's their first time ever attending or they've gotten a little too used to being at home with family after a long break, the first day of school can be frightening for some children. This can lead to tears and meltdowns during drop-off, which is so stressful if you’re the one with the crying child. It’s definitely not an ideal situation to be in, but if you know that your child is introverted, shy, or perhaps just very attached to you, you can prepare for the situation to try and make it go as smoothly as possible. Here are some tips to help you do just that.
Visit the school/classroom before the first day of school.
If possible, before school officially starts, call the school and ask if you can visit the campus and your child’s classroom. If that’s not possible, you can still visit the school on your own, look at it from the outside, and talk your child through what will happen on the first day. This visit will serve to familiarize your anxious child with his surroundings and help him to understand that it is a safe and fun place rather than a scary and strange one.
Meet the teacher.
When you call about visiting, ask if there's a day that the teachers will be on-site, or if you've already received contact information, reach out independently and see if your child's teacher would be willing to meet your little one in advance—the meet-up could even be done virtually—and help provide some reassurance about the situation.
Explain everything before it happens.
Always, always, always take the time to explain to your child what exactly she should expect—even if you don't think she will understand or remember. Explain in detail that you will be getting up early, getting ready for the day, heading off to school via whichever mode of transportation, that your child will be staying with her class/teacher for however many hours and that you will be leaving. Explain what type of activities she might expect and whether or not she will eat a meal or snack at school, as well as who will pick her up, where she will be picked up and how she will get home. Explain what to do if she is scared or confused.
Send a secret lovey.
If your child is entering preschool, it may be OK for him to bring a small lovey or toy—just be sure to check with the school first. If toys from home are not allowed or your child is older and would be embarrassed to bring a toy, consider creating a secret lovey. It could be a tiny square cut out of a familiar blanket or T-shirt, a small strip of soft ribbon, a piece of your own costume jewelry. Anything that reminds your child of you or of the safety of home will do. Just tell him that if he feels sad to touch or look at the item to help him feel better. Literally, almost anything can work.
Print a family picture out.
Some preschools let you decorate your child’s cubby before school starts. If that’s the case, you can decorate the cubby with pictures of your family that your child can look at if she misses you. If that’s not an option, you can print out a picture that she can keep in her backpack or desk.
Make sure the child is well-rested.
Overtired children have a harder time coping than rested children do. This goes for adults, too. Make sure you set up a bedtime routine that ensures your child is getting enough sleep so that when he is headed to school in the morning, he isn't tired. Set up that routine before the child starts going to school. Do your best to get enough sleep as well.
Create a goodbye ritual.
You and your child can come up with your own secret goodbye ritual that you work on at home. For example, it can be that you walk your child to her class, hug at the door for five seconds, give each other a kiss, and then squeeze each other’s hands three times to signify “I love you.” Once the routine is done, you walk away. This was recommended to me by one of my children’s teachers and it was surprisingly effective. It gave my child something to focus on instead of just focusing on feelings of anxiety.
Don’t linger.
When the day arrives, and it's time to say goodbye, don't linger. Lingering will only prolong a potentially negative situation. Hug and kiss your child, reassure him, say goodbye, and leave immediately. If the tears have already started, explain once more what he will be doing, where you will be, and when you will be back. Recruit the teacher or other staff for help, if necessary, then promptly leave.
Don’t sneak away.
It might seem easier to sneak out when your child is distracted, but don’t. Stick with your goodbye ritual, otherwise she isn't going to want to take her eyes off of you the next time you drop her off for fear that you will just disappear.
Don’t try to shame a child into not crying.
If your child is crying, don’t point at another kid and say something like, “Look at that kid, they aren’t crying.” That’s just mean. It’s almost like saying, “Look at that kid, they are better than you.” We all deal with our emotions differently and shaming your child isn’t going to help him feel better or more confident.
Don’t threaten or bribe a child.
It’s hard when your child cries and you can’t stop her, but remember that it’s totally OK. Don’t threaten her if she starts to cry by saying something like, “If you don’t stop crying, (insert threat here.)” That’s just going to add to her fear and anxiety. You also shouldn’t bribe her to try to stop her from crying. Just reassure her and know that she will eventually stop crying.
Control your own emotions and if you can't, explain them.
If possible, keep your own emotions in check. For some people, that is easier said than done. If you can keep your own tears at bay, that’s great. You can always cry later when your child is not around. But, if you are a crier like me, and just can’t stop from leaking, explain to your child that you are crying happy tears because you are so proud of him and this is such a wonderful experience.
Walk away and keep walking.
The first day that I dropped my eldest off at preschool, I walked out of the building and could still hear her crying. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to walk back in there to make sure she was OK, but I had been advised not to because then it’s like starting the process all over again.
Remember that this too shall pass.
Listening to your child cry and seeing the stress he is going through isn’t fun, but remember that it’s all temporary. Your child is going through a big change and he will adjust. The day will come when he heads off to school without any tears.
Be proud of yourself.
Parenting is not easy and it's important to give yourself a pat on the back when you get through a difficult situation. Once you successfully drop your child off, take a minute to breathe and congratulate yourself for doing your best. You got through it and so will your child.
