Adrian Peterson is an NFL player who was reinstated to the League even as new allegations of child abuse and photos of his son's injuries are being leaked. It is known that Peterson has hit his son with a switch and was spanked as a child himself. I've had a switch taken to the back of my legs. I've experienced the stinging of treating the welts and slashes, while gently patting away the blood. It hurts, a lot! The question is, is spanking a child ever okay and if so when?
I can only speak for myself, as a child who was spanked (actually as a child who was beaten) and my answer is no. I do not believe in corporal punishment of children for any reason.
Read more ¿Qué más?: Another reason not to hit your kids: Spanking could make them fat!
I come from a strict Latino father and a southern mother. I come from a blue collar, devout Catholic family. All of these are things that may or may not affect why I choose not to spank my kids. This is what formed my perspective.
People say that children who are spanked are more likely to spank. I agree because a child who is spanked as a discipline tool learns to make this synonymous with punishment for bad behavior. I feel that it teaches children that if you do something wrong, whether it be a mistake or intentional (because believe me there are instances when parents don't ask) that they deserve violence.
What I received escalated past a spanking (not that I liked spankings at all on any level) when alcohol was introduced into the equation. My childhood was filled with fear of the one who punished me; when I avoided doing bad it had nothing to do with the act itself, I was avoiding the punishment. As I grew older, I learned to weigh the punishment against how much I wanted to commit my bad behavior. Spankings stop working but not before a child loses respect for the parent.
Maybe there are people in the world who can calmly dole out a spanking to a child, on occasion as a punishment without going overboard. I don't trust myself to be one of them. I don't know that I've ever had a normal spanking so I don't trust myself to give one to my children.
Did I survive spankings? Of course I did. Did it work as an effective tool for teaching me right from wrong? No. It taught me to fear the punishment. It taught me not to trust my father. It taught me the kind of parent that I never wanted to be.
I used timeouts when my children were toddlers. Now, we discuss bad behaviors and they know when I don't approve because I tell them. When my children hear disappointment in my voice, they feel bad. I allow them the opportunity to explain to me why they did this thing. They write an essay to explain it. Then, I take something away that they enjoy. I want them to know that comforts are luxuries that can be lost if behavior is bad. I try to make the punishment fit the "crime." I also practice lots of positive reinforcement when they do good because it can't always be about what they did wrong.
I'm not claiming to always do the right thing. I lose my temper and yell sometimes, but I try to find different ways to discipline my children. I read books (a great one is Get the Behavior You Want…Without Being the Parent You hate! by Deborah Gilboa, MD) and try to stay up on new parenting research and findings. I don't think there is a situation in which spanking my child is the only response. As a result of being beaten, I don't trust myself to know when to stop.
Image via Houston Police Department
