My kids love gummy candies: gummy bears, gummy bunnies, gummy fruit, gummy whatever. I've been able to find some healthy-ish versions, so I let them indulge fairly regularly and I don't really care what shape the gummies are, but I would never intentionally buy them penis-shaped gummies because seeing my kids chompin' on a floppy penis is not my idea of a fun family moment. However, I'm a total hypocrite and laughing hysterically because that's exactly what happened to parents in New Zealand when shops in the lower South Island were stocked with 7,200 bags of mixed gummy candies called Dragon Sweets from China that included candy phalluses. Wow, that's a whole lot of candy penises, no?
So who is responsible for all these sweet ding-a-lings being sold to children? Someone who apparently doesn't know dick about what's appropriate … sorry, couldn't help myself. The whole thing was actually just a big mistake with no malintent.
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What happened is that Willem Van de Geest of
the Stoke confectionery company said the bags of candy were imported about six weeks ago and about two weeks later he started getting complaints. He's been importing candy from all over the world for 25 years and this is the first time anything like this has happened and he says, "It won't happen again.'' The X-rated candy has been removed from store shelves and the manufacturer apologized for their mistake shipment. The offending candy was actually meant to be sold in England where I guess people like gummy penises. I'm not judging, to each his own.
Van de Geest didn't realize that the candy was questionable earlier because he says, ''You have to look at it two or three times to think that doesn't look right.'' Plus I guess since the gummies were a mixed batch they weren't all phallic.
I know it's awful and that parents must have been horrified, but I crack up every single time I think about it. I mean imagine your kid comes home with a bag of dick-shaped candy and you're like. "Uh, what are you eating?" And then you take a look and FREAK the eff out, but all inside because you don't want your kid to see and ask you why you're upset.
I know exactly what I would do in that situation. I would ask my kid to share with me and shove as many of those miniature penises into my mouth as I could to get rid of them. Then when my husband came home, I'd be like, "You won't BELIEVE how many penises I had in my mouth today!"
Image via Thinkstock, Amazon
