My husband and I want to have a baby soon, but I have to keep it real with you ladies. I'm kinda terrified. So much about the reality of having kids is stressful. Sleepless nights, endless worry about whether or not your doing it "right," dealing with family–and that's not even mentioning the huge effects having a baby inevitably has on your relationship with your hubby.
It's undeniable, having kids changes EVERYTHING. That's why I was super intrigued when I read about the idea of pre-pregnancy contracts. Sound crazy business-like and cold? Well, it kind of is!
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Pre-pregnancy contracts are just what they sound like: an agreement between husband and wife on how to split child-rearing responsibilities once baby arrives. It might be cold and calculated, but there is no denying the brilliance. Fact is, when baby comes, a ton of the responsibility of raising the kids falls on the mom. Add that to the fact that most households already have a pretty uneven division of household responsibilities (even though lots of women are working just as hard and earning just as much as their husbands these days), and it equals a whole lot of pissed off ladies. Who can blame them? Deep down, we all want a 50/50 marriage, no?
Well, it turns out, this an idea that popped up as early as the 1970s! Who would've thought that something that feels so revolutionary today is actually an idea that's almost 50 years old? Feminists in the '70s pointed out that even though they were busting their butts at home raising their kids and sometimes also working, because their men (at the time) were making more money, they always felt the extra burden to take on an unequal share of housework.
Who can't relate to this scenario, as pointed out by novelist Alix Kates Shulman in her essay "A Marriage Agreement"?
Him, to her: "I don't mind sharing the work, but you'll have to show me how to do it." Her translation: "I ask a lot of questions and you'll have to show me everything every time I do it because I don't remember so good. Also don't try to sit down and read while I'M doing my jobs because I'm going to annoy the hell out of you until it's easier to do them yourself."
Slate's Rebecca Onion says that the reason this essay caused such major waves back then was because almost every woman who read it related to it 100 percent. The thing is, we STILL do. I literally just had a conversation with one of my best friends about how infuriating it was to her that her husband–who is wildly capable in most areas of his life–becomes a helpless little boy when it comes to getting stuff done around the kitchen and the house, and he uses the same exact tactic as Shulman's hubby did back 1970. Men, they NEVER change, ha!
You know what has changed though? The fact that women are working harder than ever these days, and a lot of times, making as much, if not more than, their husbands. So now that we've hit this shift in our homes, does it make a huge difference in the way things like childcare and household chores are divvied up? My guess is no. So while pre-pregnancy contracts may not seem all that romantic or focused on the inherent joy a little one will bring to your family, they may just be the key to keeping mommy happy.
At the end of the day, that's super important! We women also have to suck it up though and own the fact that a ton of us love to be the captain of our ship and take on the majority of the responsibility because we LIKE it. If you want equality, you have to give as much as you take. Sure, your hubby may not fold the clothes exactly like you would or maybe he brings home the "wrong" kind of OJ. If that saves you 15 hours of chores a week that could be spent doing things that help save your sanity, is it really THAT big of a deal? I don't think so.
So here's looking forward to babies and shared responsibilities. Let's see if we can be the first generation of Latinas to really figure out this whole 50/50 marriage everyone's been talking about for decades.
Image via Thinkstock
