Go ahead, get out the pitchforks, I'm about to bitch about motherhood. I realize this is going to upset many people because there is this unspoken rule that mothers cannot complain about anything having to do with motherhood without slapping on a disclaimer along the lines of, "but it is totally worth it," because otherwise we are evil bitches who don't realize there are baby-less people out there who would give their left nut or ovary to switch places with us. To that I say, OF COURSE IT IS WORTH IT! Seriously, must we state the obvious to be able to gripe about what isn't rainbows and unicorns when it comes to being a mother? Screw that, I'm going for it. I'm gonna complain about some mami-related things and I'm not going to apologize for it. Read on, if you dare.
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It's true, I don't love everything about being a mother. In fact there are some things that I can honestly say I hate about being a mother and here are five of them:
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I hate that my husband comes home and forgets to kiss me by the time he is done kissing on our kids. Hello, human being here! I'm the one you're gonna be stuck with when the kiddos move out and I have a very long memory.
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I hate wiping my 5-year-old's butt after she goes poop. It is disgusting! She is old enough to do it herself, but refuses to and yes I could just leave her there until her butt gets numb and has a blue ring around it from lack of circulation, but then I'd have to deal with that and still end up wiping her butt before I take her to the ER to make sure she doesn't have gangrene.
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I hate the whole competitive mom thing. Ugh! There are moms who go on and on like motherhood is an Olympic sport and we are all going to get medals at some point. I usually smile and nod like I care about whatever nonsense is coming out of their mouths, but what I really want to say is, "I don't need a medal, I just want you to SHUT UP!"
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I hate the sound of my kids whining. Whoever programmed them, programmed them to make a sound that hurts me physically even more than nails scraping on a chalkboard when they whine. I can honestly say that I had never heard a sound so displeasing until I became a mother.
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I hate that I sometimes lose my temper. It really bothers me because in the end, I know my kids are kids, but I'm not so throwing a temper tantrum is not something I should ever be doing; it's not an effective form of discipline.
Ahhh, I feel so much better after letting that all out. Excuse me now, I have children to enjoy.
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