By the time I was 26, my husband and I had already been married five years, the last two of which he had often expressed his readiness to start a family. Being a couple of years younger and a bit more practical, I thought we should wait. I wasn't quite ready emotionally, and I definitely didn't think we were ready financially. But shortly before I hit that 26th birthday, baby fever hit hard.
At that point, I had been out of college for a few years and was working in an entry-level position in my field of study. We were renters but we had plenty of space for a baby, we were making the most money we had ever made, and had good medical coverage. There was definitely more to be accomplished, but with both of us feeling financially capable of supporting a child and fully able to love and sacrifice for one, we decided to go for it. Unlike when we chose to get married at 21 and 23, we didn't get a lot of criticism for our decision. Admittedly, our current social community is blossoming with young families and has been overwhelmingly supportive, as have our families.
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I kept our plans from my colleagues up until I was safely in the second trimester. I vividly recall making that first phone call to my manager to let him know that I was expecting–I was quite literally shaking. I was so afraid that I would detect judgment or even disappointment in his voice. Though I do believe he was quite surprised, he hid any other feelings well. Telling the rest of my co-workers–most of whom were older than me, unmarried and/or childless–induced the same level of anxiety. Would they all think that I was foolish? Would they stop taking me seriously as a journalist? Would my impending maternity leave affect my potential advancement in the company? For months after I made my announcement, I secretly agonized over these questions. But ultimately my growing love for the baby developing in my womb took over, and instead of trying to be overly discreet about my pregnancy, I invited my peers to join me in my excitement, and thankfully they did–I know this is not the case for many young women.
With each doctor's appointment I became more certain that I had made the right decision. I recently read a story in which a 28-year-old woman who decided to start having children before finishing graduate school publicly defended her choice, making the point that fertility declines sharply after the age of 37. According to my obstetrician, that number is actually much closer to 30.
I believe that most women truly do want families, but feel that they have to prove themselves as professionals before they can even entertain the thought, not realizing the full gravity of what sort of issues they might face if they wait too long. Not only is it more difficult to get pregnant as you get older, but there is a much greater chance of complications for both mother and baby–plus, pregnancy is hard on your body, even when you're young. Knowing these things and having them corroborated by my physician has left me confident that starting our family young was the right decision. I may have sacrificed some career goals for the time being, but when my kids are off to school, I will still have plenty of youthful working years in me. And when I retire, I'll be young and spry enough to enjoy the time off. As for buying a house and stashing away some cash–it'll take a little more time, but we'll get there.
Image via Shayne Rodriguez Thompson
