My parents got divorced when I was in my twenties, which was really weird because it was completely unexpected. My siblings and I were all adults and had been out of the house for several years, so it wasn't as if they'd been waiting for us to leave. My mom told us she was no longer in love with my dad and and eventually she started going out with someone else. Ever the inquisitive one, I wanted to know if that relationship had started while she was still married to my dad, but I never got a straight answer from her because she always told me that it was none of my business. But was it?
How much should we tell our children about our intimate relationships? Would you admit to your kids that you had an affair?
These are loaded questions. When I asked my husband about this he said he wouldn't say anything unless the kids were suspicious about it already and had started asking questions. But then, he'd still have to take their ages into consideration. When I asked him why he thought they would need to know, he said that it would show them that he's only human.
I think he's totally right about children needing to find out that they're parents are human and also make mistakes, but I'm not so sure that I would say anything if I had an affair. I'm just not sure what good would come out of it regardless of my child's age. I'm pretty sure that if I found out that either one of my parents had been unfaithful, it would totally change how I saw them, even as an adult who understands that all kinds of things can and do happen in a marriage. And please don't think I'm saying it's ok to be unfaithful, I'm just saying it happens even to the best of us.
Cheating is already an extremely difficult thing to get over for a couple–in fact, I don't even know how so many are able to do it–why make it even worse by involving your children in such a private and intimate detail of your relationship?
I don't know, I guess that in this case, I'd like to think that ojos que no ven, corazón que no siente (or what you don't know won't hurt you). Then again, you have to be in those shoes to really know what it's like.
Am I crazy? Would you tell your children if you had an affair?
Image via L'imaGiraphe (en travaux)/flickr
