More and more women are opting to go under the knife to rid themselves of the pocket of fat located under their booties, otherwise known as a "banana roll."
I didn't even know that was a thing, much less that it had a specific nickname. Here I was, calling mine Tito all this time! I'm joking of course, because sometimes you just have to laugh at the ridiculous things ladies find to have sucked, cut, nipped and tucked on our bodies.
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Most of the time, I don't even notice a majority of bulges and various things that hang off my body. That is, of course, until I read an article about how terrible they are and how they must be purged from my body or else I'll die a jamona. Oh, no!
In recent years, the pop culture has named muffin tops, bat wings, buffalo humps, and boot bulge as the worst things to ever happen to women's bodies. In response, women have flocked to local surgeons to have the offending lumps and bumps sucked out or lopped off at once!
Sadly, no matter how much we nip and tuck and sweat off, there will always be something new to send us into a tizzy. Today, that thing is banana rolls. Tomorrow, it'll be something else, and it'll probably require some outlandish surgery, much like these.
Image via madelineyoki/Flickr
Hand lifts
Oh, for Instagram’s sake! Brides-to-be are running to their dermatologists to have Juvederm injected into their hands to make their hands look as flawless as the rock resting on their ring finger.
Knee lift
Are you over 40 but want to look like you have the knees of a 16-year-old? Oddly enough, you're not alone. Women everywhere are getting their knees nipped and tucked because, apparently, that's a thing now.
Cinderella foot surgery
If the shoe fits, wear it. If it doesn’t, just go ahead and have a doctor lob off a few pieces of your toes and then you can wear whatever shoes fit your fancy.
Forehead augmentation
Even foreheads are under attack these days. Men and women are going under the knife to get their foreheads widened, narrowed, shortened, lengthened, filled in and even rounded. I don't know, it seems like a lot of hassle. I'd rather just get bangs cut into my hair and be done with it.
Boot bulge surgery
Desperate to avoid the dreaded "boot bulge," more and more women are electing to underego a painful calf reduction procedure that may take up to half a year to recover from. All to wear boots! I'm sorry, but I'd rather just stick to wearing ankle boots or Uggs than hobble around for six months. But to each their own.
Earlobe lift
Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Well, then you may be eligible for earlobe reduction surgery. Really, that's a thing. Basically, you pay someone to cut a piece of earlobe off for you, all so that you can hang heavy pieces of metal and jewels off of them.
Thigh gap therapy
Thigh gap therapy sounds like the title of a new VH1 reality show, but it isn't. It's a procedure that uses a cold laser therapy called Zerona to contour the shape of your thighs by flushing away fat cells. Oh, it's reportedly painless, which is a huge selling point for me. But, all the same, I think I'll stick to the Beyonce method, and keep photoshopping my thighs. It's just cheaper this way.
Internal bra
Internal bras sound like a literal nightmare. Surgeons insert a hardened silicone cup under the breast tissue and hold it in place using silk straps that are screwed to your rib cage. Um, I think I’d rather stick to my Vicky Secrets.
Buffalo hump surgery
There are some lady lumps some women are just not willing to embrace, like the "buffalo hump." A "buffalo hump" is lump of fat that gathers together behind your neck, and is usually a result of excessive weight gain. Though it's just a lump of fat, it cannot be reduced with diet and excercise. If you want to rid yourself of the offending hump, you must have it sucked out via liposuction.
Vaginal cosmetic surgery
There’s literally nothing you can’t get gussied up down there. You can have your labia trimmed, G-spot enhanced and you can even get your vaginal canal tightened.
"Ball ironing"
It was my understanding that testicles are supposed to be wrinkly and hairy, but apparently some men aren't down with that. They'd rather undergo a procedure called "ball ironing" to make their bolas look as smooth as a baby's butt. The procedure involves using lasers to remove hair, erase wrinkles and correct discoloration on the scrotum, which sounds a lot less painful that most of the things women do in the name of beauty. I guess that means we have bigger cojones.
