Ah, the miracle of life. No sooner are you holding your precious bundle of joy in your arms that you are… Well, very aware of the HEALING you're doing down there. Yes, I said it. Although it may take weeks or even months for you to get back into the mindset of your regular rhythm or desires, there WILL come a point where you will be ready, willing and able to have sex after baby. And then what? Honestly, it sounds terrifying at first. Your body has been through an ordeal and on top of that you're probably constantly tired and maybe even overstressed. And did we mention the lack of sleep?
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But lack of sleep aside, you and your partner probably want to get intimate at some point… but you also know that you can't just jump back into the sack without knowing all that's going on down there, in your pants and in your head. Your feelings may change and you will likely be more vulnerable than usual. You know, hormones. That's not the only thing that has changed, though. Your body has gone through a lot during the birth of your child (whether you had a vaginal delivery or a Cesarean section) and you will definitely need time to recover. But how much time exactly? And how will you know whne you are "ready" for sex after baby?
There are MANY questions you might have about sex after baby and we are here to answer them. According to Glamour, one of the more common concerns is all about the fears you may have about getting back into it. There's a lot you should first understand about your body's changes and, most importantly, what you and your partner can expect once you decide that you are going for it. Here are 12 things you should know about having sex after baby… And don't worry, none of them are that scary.
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1. Yes, your vagina actually goes back to normal.
Most women's #1 concern about sex after baby is, um, what just happened down there. You might feel like EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT but the truth is that it totally does work.
"People are always concerned that their vagina will never go back to normal, but your vagina is designed to do this exact task," Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist in Los Angeles, told Glamour.
2. The key to good sex after baby is educating yourself.
You don't want yourself OR your partner to be surprised by some of the changes that having a sex after baby can bring, which is why Marin suggests that you educate yourselves on what will happen… "so you don’t get rocked by the changes themselves."
3. It's normal for your sex life to go through an adjustment period.
After all, you just had a baby. And besides healing from the act itself, you're also likely stressed out, sleep deprived and dealing with the changes in your relationship now that you are parents. Going back to normal? Forget about it. It will be possibly uncomfortable or awkward at first–but we promise it does get better.
4. Your vagina will begin healing quickly--but you should still wait six weeks.
"Vaginas are really elastic and really resilient," Jennifer Conti, MD, a clinical assistant professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Stanford University, told Glamour. "Even with really nasty lacerations, you see people back in clinic a few weeks later and it’s remarkable — sometimes you can’t even tell that they’ve had a tear."
However, doctors still typically recommend that women wait six weeks after giving birth. And while that's a guideline, not a rule, you should still consult with your doctor to make sure that you are healing properly before engaging in penetrative sex.
5. No, you won't stay "loose" down there.
Another concern for many women is that they won't, ahem, tighten up again after seeing a baby come through during vaginal childbirth. But that's not true at all!
"The thing to remember is that, although it can stretch to admit this baby, it comes back!" Mary Jane Minkin, MD, FACOG, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Yale University School of Medicine, said to Glamour. "The muscles don’t stay flaccid and stretched. Will they come back absolutely as tight as the vagina was initially? Maybe not. But they’ll do a pretty good job."
6. You might not know when you will be ready again.
For some women, they're ready as soon as the six-week healing period is up. For many, though, it's totally normal to want to wait… and wait… and wait. In fact, women don't always feel completely comfortable and likely won't LOVE their first time back in the sack. One way to avoid this issue? Engage in other, intimate sexual acts before intercourse. Try heavy petting and even oral sex before going back to your normal sexual routine.
7. Your first time back probably won't feel great.
And that's okay! Many women describe sex after baby as being similar to sex for the first time, in that it was uncomfortable, awkward and even maybe a bit painful. It may take weeks or even months to feel fully yourself again. One way to help? Stock up on lubricant before even considering having sex, since lube will ease a lot of the tension and discomfort you may feel.
8. You still have to use birth control.
It may shock you to find out, but your body is basically ready to get pregnant again shortly after you have given birth–which is why it is SO very important to use birth control right away. Doctors typically recommend that you wait at least 12 months in between delivering one child and getting pregnant with another. Don't rush it!
9. Breastfeeding can affect sex, but it's not a totally safe form of birth control.
Yes, breastfeeding can prevent getting pregnant again… sort of. Basically, breastfeeding puts your body into a kind of temporary menopause (though it's not a surefire thing, hence why you need a backup method of birth control such as condoms or an IUD) and can also dry out your vagina. Again, stock up on lubricant… and birth control… before you have sex again after baby.
10. Sex is likely going to feel different. Maybe VERY different.
If you are breastfeeding, you may experience sensitive nipples. Always loved to orgasm with your g-spot? You may prefer clitoral stimulation now. The point is: Changes happen, and you should embrace that.
"It is definitely possible to have a great sex life after kids, and maybe to even have it be better than it was before, because having kids forces you to get creative," Marin tells Glamour. She recommends trying new things together and talking about what works (and what doesn't).
"It’s really important to acknowledge that sex is gonna feel different, and to cut yourself some slack," said Steph Montgomery, a writer, women’s health activist, and mother of five, to Glamour.
11. Doing your kegel exercises really CAN help.
If you haven't heard of kegel exercises, then where have you been living? This is when you squeeze and release your vagina muscles (also known as your pelvic floor) in order to strengthen them. Many women report having better sex after doing these exercises for a few weeks. However, if you are experiencing pain during kegels or penetrative sex, then you should see a pelvic floor physical therapist for help.
12. Most of all, know that you are not alone.
You might be moving back into sex slower than you expected or wanted… and that's okay. You are NOT alone here.
"There are tons of other women who are experiencing the same thing you’re experiencing," Liz Miracle, a pelvic floor physical therapist in San Francisco, said to Glamour. "And there are tons of women who have gotten through it and are better and are having happy, healthy sex lives."
