Good luck trying to reason with a toddler. Toddlers are the definition of unreasonable and that unreasonableness becomes contagious. You spend enough time around a toddler and the most inane things will start coming out of your mouth. I know because I've said some pretty ridiculous things to my toddler and I probably won't stop saying them until my toddler grows out of toddler-hood.
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Here are 10 of the most ridiculous things I've ever said to my toddler:
1. Get your finger out of your sister's butt. Meanwhile her sister who is only two years older is totally unfazed.
2. If you don't stop eating your mocos, I'm not going to give you any dinner. I guess I should take comfort in knowing that she's eating greens, but YUCK!
3. I will stop the car right now, I mean it! Like she cares. She totally doesn't care. I think she kind of wants me to stop the car.
4. If you don't pick up your toys, I'm going to throw them away. She knows I'm not lying because I have thrown them away only to dig them out later because they are perfectly good toys, no sense in tossing them.
5. You see that man over there? You are making him really mad. I use this when we're at a store and she starts acting up, the problem is that usually said man notices me pointing and then smiles and waves at my toddler in a very unthreatening way. Stupid strangers!
6. If you don't behave I'm going to take you back to the hospital and see if they will give me a different kid. This is ridiculous because I know for a fact the hospital does not take returns or do exchanges.
7. How would you like it if I licked your hand? I say this like she's supposed to come to the realization that having your hand licked is gross, but she looks at me like she wouldn't mind at all.
8. Wouldn't you rather watch something other than Frozen? Ha! As if!
9. Go to bed NOW and do not call for me unless it's an emergency. Moments later it becomes apparent that her definition of emergency and mine are very different as I crawl on all fours trying to get the stuffie she dropped out from under the bed.
10. WHHHHAAATTT???!!! After she's interupted me for the millionth time. She responds with, "I just wanted to tell you that I love you." That little punk knows how to play me like a fiddle. Of course I stop whatever I'm doing to give her a hug.
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