How to split up the holidays without making enemies

Choosing to spend the holidays with one family or set of friends over the other can often feel like an endless lose-lose battle. Each of you have your own family traditions, and neither of you are exactly thrilled at the prospect of having to miss out on them. Then there's having to deal with two sets of guilt-tripping families. It's enough to make a person go crazy… or at least turn them into a Grinch! But it doesn't have to be that way.

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With a little ingenuity, creativity and honesty, you and your marido can split the holidays without making any enemies. Here's how:

  1. Decide what you want to do before adding mami, papi and Fulana to the mix. Start discussing the holidays with you partner a few weeks out, without any input from your respective families. This is your time to be honest with one another about what the holidays mean to YOU, not your mami, your sister, or your crazy Tia Zoila. People are much more willing to compromise when they think they're doing something in their partner's best interest.
  2. Present a united front. There's no "he made me do it" in TEAM, so don't go telling your family your love strong armed you into spending the holidays with his parents. Whatever decision you came to, you came to it together. Now go put your big girl panties on and present your decision to your parents as a team!
  3. Compromise. Agree to alternating holidays. This year his mami gets Thanksgiving and your mami gets Christmas Eve. Next year they'll swap. Your parents won't be thrilled about having to miss any holidays with you, but hey, it's better than nothing.
  4. Consider splitting up. If you both feel strongly about attending your respective family's holiday gatherings, consider attending them solo–at least for the first half of the evening. Let your families know in advance that your marido won't be making it, and you have plans to meet up with him to celebrate juntos later on that evening.  
  5. Do it all. If your families live in the same town, spend Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas day with the other. Or if both families are big on Nochebuena and meh about Christmas day, consider splitting Christmas eve between both homes. It won't be easy, but at least you'll make everyone happy. And as an added bonus, you get two home cooked meals instead of one! Mmm.
  6. Host your own shindig. If your families get along, invite them all over to your place for one big fat crazy holiday party! Sure, your parents may be a little resistant at first, but let them know that this is your gift to them; you'll take on all of the planning, most of the cooking, and the cleanup. All they have to do is show up and have fun.
  7. Do your own thing. If you have children of your own, consider staying home to start your own family traditions. Decorate your tree, sing silly holiday songs, and let your kids stay in their PJs for two days straight.  And if your parents don't like it, tough cookies. Besides, what's the worst they can do? Tattle on you to Santa?

 

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