Last Friday, on the beautiful campus of the University of California Santa Barbara, 22-year-old gunman Elliot Rodger decided that the women of the world had wronged him by rejecting him and their punishment would be retribution, so he killed 6 people and wounded many more. He was wealthy and attractive but he felt entitled that women should give him what he wanted and when they refused, he felt entitled to end their lives. And so was born the #YesAllWomen hashtag–a hashtag that would bring to light the truth about how women are treated.
Read more ¿Qué más?__: Not all Latinas are protected from domestic violence under the new Violence Against Women Act
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The world has become extremely dismissive towards women. When we are assaulted we are marginalized by being asked irrelevant questions like, What were you wearing? What did you say? How much did you have to drink? Did you behave in a way that might have provoked the assault? The blame always seems to find its way conspicuously onto the shoulders of the female victims.
I saw another post this morning about a woman who walked into a bar with a group of friends to celebrate only to see written on a chalkboard behind the bar these words: I like My Beer the way I like My Violence…Domestic! I don't know about you but that just made my stomach turn. As someone who has watched someone very close be victimized and beaten over and over again, I see nothing funny about these words. It's like violating women is an epidemic.
Women are killed in domestic abuse altercations all the time. Little girls and boys watch this happen to their mother. She looks on in silence and shock as her mother is abused, violated and demeaned. She feels helpless. They want it to stop but can't. She is too little. Too weak. Only a girl. Two things are happening right there: A little girl is being made to feel weak and vulnerable. A little boy is seeing this as his example of how to treat the future women in his life. He is losing respect without even knowing why.
We are raising our little girls to live in fear because women have to be defensive and always expect the worst of men. It is almost as if we are conditioned to believe that unless we keep our head down and become invisible, we are asking for unwanted attention and when we allow this to happen, we have invited it upon ourselves.
We live in a world where women expect to be abused by men and men think of women as objects. It's particularly sad that so many of us find ourselves surprised when a man treats us with any human dignity whatsoever. We're conditioned to accept our "weaker" sex status. If we try to fight back, we are told that we are overreacting or getting too emotional. We are marginalized so that others can accept what they do to us to be less than the barbaric.
If you or anyone you know is being abused, physically, mentally, emotionally, there is help available. You can leave. I know he told you that he would follow you, keep the kids and maybe even kill you. But there are people who will help you. You deserve more than to be someone's punching bag.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233.
Image via DualDFlipFlop/Flickr
