Way back in 2012, when my first child was born, I reluctantly returned to work full time at the end of an almost five-month maternity leave. I was honestly miserable, and even though I enjoyed my work, leaving my baby behind all day was an emotional struggle. Most days, I was out of the house for 10 or 11 hours, so I would only have about an hour with him a day all week long—just enough time to nurse him, feed him dinner and put him to sleep.
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Some nights, I didn't even make it home for that. But at the time, I was the primary breadwinner in our little family and I had no real hope of things changing any time soon. Then, a major career opportunity for my husband presented itself and we were faced with some big decisions that ultimately led to me quitting my job to stay home full time.
There were no other options.
My husband and I had decided before we even had kids that we were not going to put them in group child care if we could avoid it, and then when my husband found out that he would be going to live-in police academy for four months, I looked into our options and found nothing. We didn't have a family member who could watch our son, we couldn't afford a nanny and even if we could have afforded a day care center, there were none in our area that were open as many hours as I needed. So, I quit my job and became a stay-at-home.
It wasn't all sunshine and roses.
I was relieved and excited, but the reality of the situation sunk it quickly. I had been working since I was 16 years old, and wasn't at all used to being a domestic. Plus, we were broke. We were living solely on the very low stipend that my husband was receiving during his training, and the few thousand dollars I had pulled out of my 401(k).
I was stressed and worried all the time, and for a while, I really struggled with needing validation as a stay-at-home mom. I was working freelance a bit, but it wasn't much, and I'm not even sure as a first-time mom of an infant, I could have handled more. So it took me awhile to wrap my head around my new life, but once I started looking at it my "job," things started to click.
We got by, but barely.
We survived those first four months by the skin of our teeth financially, and with my sanity still intact. At that point, we knew that we could do it and I was actually enjoying being home with my baby. Teaching him, feeding him, watching him accomplish every milestone and planning fun outings had started to feel rewarding. We decided that if we could get through the period that had just ended, we could get through anything, and I chose not to go back to work.
Life wasn't always easy.
Fast forward three years, and I gave birth to my second child and became a stay-at-home mom of two. My freelance career had continued to grow over those few years, but I still wasn't bringing in enough money for us to feel financially comfortable. Life wasn't always easy. We lived paycheck to paycheck, bills were late often, and there were many months we weren't sure if we would be able to make ends meet. But I was happy as a stay-at-home mom and endlessly grateful that I had the opportunity to be present with my children all the time.
Somehow, we made it work.
And somehow, we always found a way to make it work. We've always had a safe, happy home, plenty of food to fill our bellies, and even managed to have some fun and quite a few cool experiences throughout the years. Becoming a stay-at-home mom has meant sacrificing a second full-time income for our family, which has been incredibly challenging at times, but we did and continue to believe that it's been worth it for me to be able lay a solid foundation for them and to be able to be there for every school pickup and drop-off, every extracurricular activity, every special moment or milestone met and even every challenge they face.
Things have gotten better.
Now, my kids are 8 and 5 and I still work freelance and have built my career to what essentially amounts to full time, and my husband's career choices are starting to pay off. Just in the past year, we're finally feeling more comfortable financially, but I still often think of how far along we could have been had I continued to work full time. But as they say, the grass is always greener on the other side, but I still wouldn't trade these priceless years I've had with my children for anything.
It's all worth it.
Both of my kiddos will be in school full time next fall, and I have no intention of going back to work full time. I like the life I'm living, and I still want to be there for all of those important moments in their lives and even the little things. And while I know I could make more money if worked full time out of the home, the trade-off has been worth it for our family. Just don't ask me when I've broken up the bajillionth fight of the day or been woken up in the night every single night for a week or just listened to yet another long-winded description of some made-up game loosely based on Pokémon.
