There are plenty of reasons to have a baby, the most important being that you want to be a parent and provide a child with food, shelter and never ending unconditional love. It sounds like a big investment because it is. It is the hardest thing you will ever do, but it is also the most rewarding. I know, I've done it twice and I am a better person for having done so.
Some people don't want children and that is fine. Parenting is not for everyone. There is nothing wrong with knowing yourself well enough to know that perpetual self-sacrifice is not for you. Some people like their sleep, money and privacy. I can certainly understand that. Of all the things I've sacrificed, I miss my sleep the most.
The flip side, is the people who decide to have babies for all the wrong reasons. To those people, I say, please think before you procreate. A child is a lifetime commitment, you can't exchange, return or give up on a baby if you decide being a parent just isn't for you.
Here are the five worst reasons to have a baby I've seen:
Because all of your friends are doing it. Having a baby is not like choosing to buy a house in a certain neighborhood or hanging out at the trendiest bars and restaurants. A baby is not a status symbol. Don't get pregnant with the intention of "fitting in". Your baby is not not a Birkin Bag or a pair of Louboutins. It's a human and you can't toss it to the back of the closet when the next fad comes into style.
Because you think it's what other people expect of you. Your mom and dad are hounding you to make them a grandparent and you've been married to your soul mate for 5 years but you are not so sure that a baby is what you want. Don't do it. A baby is forever and you are the one who has to be responsible for it. No one else has to live in your shoes and care for that baby. If you don't want to be a parent, don't be. It's all or nothing with baby-making.
To save your marriage. Your marriage is a disaster and you feel like having a baby will keep you connected. It won't. It will be a source of entrapment. If you are in love and you have a baby, your relationship is strengthened because you have a shared miracle. If your relationship is in ruin and you have a baby, all of that angst you had toward one another will increase because you will feel stuck. The worst part is the child will feel responsible for your unhappiness.
You want to prove that you can have it all. You can't. We all want to believe that we are going to be the mom who can have the dream career and the great marriage and perfect children. No one can have it all at the same time, I've learned that the hard way. If a child was always part of your dream than by all means go for it but if you are only having a child to prove that you can be the one person who can have it all, don't do it.
You want someone who will love you unconditionally. Don't have a child so that you have someone to love you and will never leave. You will be devastated when your child grows up. We are lucky to be able to be able to claim our children as the center of our universes for as long as we live but we are only theirs for a very short time. They eventually grow up, fall in love and have children of their own and while our children always love us, we are not supposed to be the only ones we love forever.
Image via Flicker/Rahego
