A Junior High in Petaluma, California has a new dress code. The dress code bans girls from wearing pants that are considered "too tight" like skinny jeans, yoga pants and leggings. You know, all the pants that are currently in style. The reasoning? Tight clothing distracts the boys.
Apparently, it is tween girls' responsibility to make themselves less attractive as to not distract tween boys with raging hormones. This is so messed up. While we are at it, are we asking teen boys ot stop wearing skinny jeans too? I mean that really needs to stop.
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This is like blaming the girl wearing the short skirt for getting raped or feeling sorry for the rapist because his life is ruined because he's labeled a sexual predator. We are raising our daughters in a culture where they have to prevent themselves from being raped rather than teaching boys NOT TO RAPE. It's bullshit.
As the mother of daughters, I am afraid of the culture we are raising our girls in. We are sending the message that it's their fault for men leering and unwanted advances simply because they are attractive. We are teaching our girls that it is their responsibility to keep themselves safe from men. Meanwhile, men are protected from and treated as victims of their hormones.
I know many women, girls, who have been conditioned for so long to accept men's unwanted advances as just a part of life that the line of rape and molestation has become blurred for even them. They think if they were dating the boy, it's not rape. If they were intoxicated, it's not rape. They believe that if it's their husband, it's not rape. They let the men off the hook and blame themselves in some way.
I'm here to tell you that it is not your fault. You are not responsible for what some asshole has done to you. He has taken advantage of you. If you said no, even if it was to a boyfriend or a husband, no means no! If you were too intoxicated to say anything, he has taken advantage of you.
You are not an inanimate object put on this earth for his pleasure or abuse. You are a human, with feelings and dreams and scars. Rape is a violent act. It is a forced intrusion into your most personal space. I don't care what the circumstances were, if you didn't consent, it was rape.
Let's stop teaching our girls that their pants are too tight and their makeup is too heavy. Let's stop putting our girls into boxes of shame and submission. Let's stand up for our girls. Teach our sons that they need to control their raging hormones and respect all women. Then maybe our girls will be safe and our boys will learn self-discipline and respect for others.
Image via Flickr/ Kirsten Hartsoch
