As I skipped across the internet today minding everyone's business, I came across a study that found that almost half of mothers enjoyed giving birth, but 64 percent thought it was the most painful experience of their life. Well, that seems like an oxymoron right there, but I'm sure it has a lot to do with hindsight being 20/20. As in, Dang it that hurt like hell, but now that I've done it and I have my baby, that was kind of awesome!
This study by Mumsnet also found that 44 percent of those polled did not feel "that anyone had honestly prepared them for giving birth." Well, I feel compelled to change that. After all, I've given birth and I know how to tell the truth, so let me shed some light on the experience and call out the lies that continue to circulate about giving birth.
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Here are six lies that people tell about labor:
1. That it's the most natural thing in the world. No, it's not. It's crazy and like something out of a science fiction movie. It may be a part of nature, but it's not an everyday ho-hum-look-at-me I can chew gum and walk at the same time kind of experience.
2. That it only hurts for a little bit. Okay, so labor doesn't technically hurt the entire time. It's not until active labor that you start to feel pain, but that does not mean it only lasts a little bit. Not to mention that when you are in pain, seconds can feel interminable.
3. That it's like pushing a watermelon out of your hooha. It's so much worse than that. If you were trying to push a watermelon our of your vagina, you would do whatever it takes to get it out without caring if the watermelon was hurt in any way. You care about your baby way more than you do about some random watermelon and you don't want the doctor somehow hurting your baby with forceps or a melon baller.
4. That you forget about the pain. No, you don't forget about it, you block that sh*t out. I mean what's the alternative? To sit around and dwell on how you were ripped apart? You've got a baby to to take care of, ain't nobody got time for that.
5. That breathing will help with the pain. Ha! If by breathing they mean cursing at the top of your lungs, then yes, that does help. So does screaming and swearing that you can't do it. But breathing like they taught you in that class you took with all those other suckas, good luck with that.
6. That you will realize how brave you are. Uh-uh, what you realize is that you are freakin' terrified. The only reason you go through with it is because you don't have a choice. You try telling the doctor that you changed your mind, but your body and that baby aren't having it.
Okay, when you are done with the whole thing you do end up being a little bit proud of yourself because maybe you were scared, but you did it! And you might even do it again unless you don't want to, which is totally okay.
Image via Thinkstock
