I don't want to accuse Latino parents of being liars because that's not what I'm trying to do. The truth is that ALL parents are liars. As a parent, I'm guilty of letting my children believe lies, like that Santa Claus gives them gifts once a year. That seems like a pretty harmless lie, but it's got me thinking of the many lies I was told as a Latino child, some funny, some terrifying and some straight up WTF?!
Read more ¿Qué más?: 20 Signs that you were raised by Latino parents
Here are ten lies Latino parents tell their kids:
1. La Mano Peluda will get kids who misbehave. Or if it's not La Mano Peluda then La Llorona or some other equally terrifying figure. And then they expect kids to sleep soundly at night?!
2. Wet hair can make you sick. To this day my mother tells me that if I go out with wet hair I'm going to get sick. I say germs, bacteria, viruses or other things make you sick, she insists it is my wet hair.
3. Tampons will take your virginity. I was told that if I wore a tampon I would no longer be a virgin. To this day I have never worn a tampon, although I've given birth twice vaginally. Therefore, I still consider myself a virgin because I've never worn a tampon.
4. Presents do not come from Santa Claus. Well, that's true, but usually Latino parents follow it up by saying that presents come from Niño Jesús, which leads to really weird visualizations of a diapered baby trying to get down a chimney with presents in his pañal.
5. Watermelon seeds are dangerous. If you swallow a watermelon seed, it will grown inside of you. I was convinced this is how women got pregnant, by carelessly swallowing watermelon seeds. I wasn't clear on how the watermelon seed turned into a baby, but I thought maybe Niño Jesús had something to do with it.
6. Your tongue is in danger if you talk back. Be careful talking back to your parents because if you do it one too many times your tongue is going to turn into a chicharrón. That was horrifying to me because I am muy contestona and I also love chicharrones. Dangerous combo.
7. Cuidado with the lemons and limes. If you eat too many lemons or limes, it can make you sterile. That just sounds like someone doesn't want to share their lemons and limes, doesn't it?
8. If you don't nap, you won't grow. I must have napped quite a bit because I'm very tall.
9. The weather is related to what God is doing. When it rains it means Papa Dios is mopping. If it's thundering, he's also moving the furniture around to clean under it. I have no idea what God is doing to cause global warming. Maybe he's on a smoke break?
10. Sex is awful. They tell you all kinds of nonsense about sex like no one likes it, or you only do it to have babies, or it doesn't feel good or a whole bunch of other untruths.
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