On Saturday, Demi Lovato's estranged father, Patrick Lovato, died. The young starlet and her father had not spoken for some time and had a very tumultuous relationship.
But, your father is still your father, for better or worse, and when you lose him, it still hurts. My heart goes out to Ms. Lovato, she has been through so much at such a young age, and I can relate to all her ups and downs pretty personally…
Read more in ¿Qué más? Demi Lovato's biological father, Patrick Lovato has passed away (VIDEO)
When the whole world found out about Demi's diagnosis, it read like a menu that was all too familiar to me. When I first heard "Skyscraper" and "For the Love of a Daughter," I cried because I recognized the pain and anguish she felt. Today, I think she's a top role model for my daughters, she has risen from the ashes of what I can only assume was at best a neglectful father and at worse an abusive one, and is recovering from some of the hardest mental illnesses anyone can experience.
Through it all, I've realized that here is one universal truth, a girl's relationship with her father effects the rest of her life. Your father is the first man you ever love and the most important man in our lives for the first 15 to 20 years of our lives. We hang the moon on those men.
My own father, for all of his many faults–he was an alcoholic, he was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive–was still my papi and I loved him despite all the pain he inflicted on me as a child. My dad drank, a lot, when I was growing up and when he drank, he was mean. He wasn't himself. When he was sober, he was kind and gentle and patient and loving.
I remember being a small child and waking up with bad dreams and only wanting him. He would place me on his chest and comfort me but when he was drunk he was a time bomb. The man who I went to and trusted to make everything right was the source of my pain. It was terribly confusing for a child. One minute he would be sober and fawning over my every deed and the next he was drunk and I was in the way. That messes with a kid's self-esteem and can create some serious trust issues.
I was lucky; I survived the years of drunken arguments and being physically abused. I survived the heartbreak of a drunken father telling me to get out of his house and never come back. I survived all the crazy behavior and after one last drunken argument in which I decided I was done, about 13 years ago, I stood up to him. I had to. I couldn't take that feeling of helplessness anymore. Soon after, he quit drinking for good.
I have forgiven him, but he has earned his forgiveness. My father is once again my hero. He is wise and kind and the best grandfather that I could ever ask for my daughters. They have never known him as anything else. He is patient, involved and loving and he hangs the moon on my little girls and all is right with the world.
As women we need to choose wisely who we choose to spend our lives with because that man will be the most important person in our daughter's life. Choose wisely for the love of your daughters.
My heart breaks for Demi Lovato because her father died before he could earn her forgiveness. She deserved to know that he loved her and that he was sorry.
Image via Flickr/Heff Tech
