Every time I read a story about a college student disappearing after a night of partying, I can't help but think the worst as mi hija Carolina prepares to go off to college. She's the first one in my family to go away and I really struggled with the decision. However, I do feel like the past two years have prepared me for what's to come. Here are some basic tips that have helped me manage this life stage and the stress that comes with it!
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Keep the lines of communication open: I don't focus on whether what she shares with me is appropriate behavior or not. It's not about judging her actions, I just care for her safety and well-being. I want to know where she is and what she's up to. If she's been drinking, I'd rather her call me than have her drink and drive.
Text: I love the fact that texting allows me to stay constantly connected with her and to let me know that "she's still alive." I know I sound dramática but when my daughter is out partying, it feels like it's a matter of life or death. It's not about monitoring her every step. It's about knowing that she's safe. I ask her to text me twice–when she gets to her destination and when she's coming home. I don't care what time it is! I also have all of her friends' cell numbers. Caution: don't use texting to stalk your teen!
Don't leave anyone behind: My daughter's group of friends always has a designated driver. And they always make sure that they don't leave anyone behind. Most of the cases of girls gone missing involve girls who have been left alone, especially after a night of partying.
Check their social media: When I get desperate, if she's not answering my texts, I go online and check her Facebook status, twitter and Instagram to see what she and her friends are posting. You'd be amazed at how much they're sharing with "friends" at all times!
Let tempers cool and don't use your personal standards: Talking to your teen about lessons learned or about making a bad decision should not be done in the heat of the moment. It's best to wait until the next day when you've given the situation some thought and when you can be rational rather than emotional. I've also learned to be mindful about NOT using the same standards and values I grew up with although I do always reinforce a strong moral foundation.
I hope that the trust and ongoing communication Carola and I have established carries over to when she goes off to school. More importantly, I hope she's gotten much of the teenage experimentation out of her system so she can experience other aspects of college life!
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