My mother was taken away from her mother after her parents' divorce. My grandfather took the children out of spite to hurt his ex-wife. My mom was raised by a stepmother who treated her badly.
My mom never experienced the devoted and doting love with which a mother loves her children. Instead, she was raised by a bitter stepmother who never wanted her. My grandfather robbed one mother of the opportunity to raise her children and forced another to usurp the burden. No one was happy, least of all the six children.
My mom eventually reunited with her mother, but she had missed out on critical years of experiencing a mother's unconditional love. She missed out on someone who would protect her and shield her from the cruelties of the world. She felt abandoned and on her own, and all the while, she was helping to raise her younger brothers and sisters. She stepped in to protect them and give them the unconditional love of a mother but no one was available to do the same for her. She had no example from which to learn to be a good mom. She was a child doing the best she could.
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When I was little, I thought my mother was the prettiest, kindest, sweetest, and best mom around. We grew up with very little material things but our mom always loved us. She stayed home with us and did the best she was capable of.
As I grew older, I noticed the lack of maternal instinct. I loved my mom with the fierceness and unconditional love that only a child who has experienced it firsthand can do. What always tethered us together and still does is that bond that can only be shared by a mother and child.
We never were best friends like my sister and her are. They are more alike. They see the world with the same perspective. Instead of growing up to be like my mother, I grew to learn from her mistakes. She taught me some very important life lessons by watching her do things in a way that made her unhappy. It's not the conventional way to teach your children what mistakes to avoid but it worked.
Today, I have daughters of my own. I love them with a fierceness that scares me sometimes. The thought of someone separating me from them is inconceivable because I would stop at nothing to get them back. I learned that from my mom.
I stay home with my girls, I tell them and show them daily how much I love them. They know that they can come to me with anything. We may not always see eye to eye but I will always respect their right to their opinion. I want to raise them to be brave, independent and open to new experiences and not afraid of anything.
I want them to believe in themselves and know that I will always be there to love them and dust them off even if they fall trying. My love for them is everlasting and unconditional. I look at them and I see my mother's eyes and I know they will be even better mothers to their daughters than I am to them.
This Mother's Day, I want to thank my mother for shaping me into the mother I am today. By hearing her stories, learning from her mistakes and being inspired by her strength and love for her children, she has made me a better mother to my daughters than her mother ever was to her, which is pretty amazing considering she had no example to guide her in the first place.
I love you mom, for the daughter you once were who overcame such trying circumstances, the mother you became and the grandmother you are who loves my daughters with such unconditional love and devotion that it inspires me to do and be better.
Images via Deborah Cruz
