I grew up around a lot of children–my mom owned her own daycare and was a foster parent–so when I was pregnant, I never really worried about parenting. I thought it would be easy since I had so much experience. What I didn't realize was how different it is to care for your own child versus someone else's. I'm definitely glad I didn't spend my pregnancy panicking over what kind of mom I would be. I had enough to obsess over! But there are a few things I wish I would have known before I became a mom.
Here are my top three:
1. I wish I would have known how hard it is to hear to my son cry. I wasn't prepared for the emotional (hormonal) reaction I would have to my son's wails, or even his whimpers. My baby doesn't even really cry a lot, but for months every time he did I felt like I was battling a mental breakdown. He's nine months old, and I still have a hard time fighting back tears of my own when he's upset. Don't even ask me how I got through sleep training!
2. I had no idea that the words "being tired" before becoming a mom are a complete joke and understatement! I've always been a bit of an insomniac and even before I became a mom, I would complain about not getting any sleep and how tired I was. Well, mothering gives a new meaning to exhaustion. At one point in my life I was married, working three jobs, and attending college full time, and yet, the exhaustion of motherhood is far worse than any I've experienced. I suppose it's because moms have to be turned on 24/7–there is really no such thing as downtime, because we are constantly on high alert to the needs of our children. Plus, even though my son sleeps through the night, I tend to wake up a few times a night to check on him. Crazy mamá Latina, I know!
3. If only I had known that even the most engaged and invested fathers are rarely the primary decison makers during the infant and toddler years, I do believe this first year would have been a bit easier. Not only do I feel the need to know the right thing to do at any given time, but whether it is biological or societal, I think men just expect that women innately know more when it comes to child rearing. My husband definitely co-parents and would do anything in the world for my son and I, but the final decisions on most things generally tend to rely on my maternal instincts, however unsure of them I may be.
4. I wish I would have known how absolutely amazing it is to be a mom. When we talk about labor and childbirth, we often mention the reward at the end being worth all the hard work. To me, that reward was always the physical being of the baby. What I didn't know was that my son would reward me in little ways every day of his life, and I am so glad that each of those little rewards remains a surprise. That goofy smile, the unsolicited bear hug, the moment I realize he's learned something new–all of these and so many other things have made being a mother truly special. And after all the effort we put in on a daily basis, it is an awesome treat to experience the all-encompassing love and pride you feel during these sweet little moments.
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