Beyonce finally opened up about the heartbreaking miscarriage she suffered about two years ago, before her and hubby of four years Jay-Z had baby Blue Ivy (who turned 1 year old on January 7!)–and which Jay hinted at in "Glory," the song he wrote for Blue when she was first born (remember those sweet lyrics, they were what struck me the most from that song: "Last time the miscarriage was so tragic / We was afraid you'd disappear, but nah, baby, you magic!").
In her new documentary Life Is But a Dream airing February 16 on HBO, Bey opens up for the first time about this very painful time in her life, and how she coped with the huge loss.
"About two years ago, I was pregnant for the first time, and I heard the heartbeat, which was the most beautiful music I ever heard in my life," the Grammy winner says. "I picked out names, I envisioned what my child would look like, I was feeling very maternal." But tragedy struck, and as many times happens, the pregnancy didn't go as planned. "I flew back to New York to get my check up, and no heartbeat," she said. "Literally the week before I went to the doctor, everything was fine, but there was no heartbeat."
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I've never experienced a miscarriage first hand, but I can tell you, the fear of losing your baby when you're pregnant is the biggest fear any mami-to-be suffers. For me it was almost debilitating.
Thankfully, Beyonce managed to overcome that huge loss through her music, as she says: "I went into the studio and wrote the saddest song I've ever written in my life … it was the best form of therapy for me, because it was the saddest thing I've ever been through." Although she won't reveal which song from her album it is, my money is on "I Was Here" from 2011's album 4.
I remember I almost lost it at one of my check-ups early on in my pregnancy when a young, inexperienced nurse couldn't find my little Sebastian's heartbeat. I started crying as she tried to calm me and tell me that I was very early on. Apparently, sometimes it's hard to find the hearbeat in those first few months of pregnancy, but I honestly couldn't hear her. It wasn't until my doctor came in and reassured me by finding my little man's heartbeat with that ultrasound machine that I finally started to calm down. I swear, that little pitter-patter was the sweetest sound ever, I know EXACTLY what Beyonce was talking about. I couldn't imagine the pain she must've experienced losing that first baby.
For Bey, that miscarriage was truly tragic, but I'm glad she overcame that pain and now she has adorable baby Blue Ivy.
Image via Getty Images
