If you are a Latina in the U.S. there are certain things that will be said to you by non-Latinos and lets get specific here, mostly white people. You'll hear that you don't look like you are Mexican even though you told them you were Costa Rican. All kinds of stereotypical stuff will come out of mostly well-meaning people's mouths. I'm not going to get all up in arms about it, been there done that, let's just go on the assumption that most of the time they are said with no ill-intent and are more of a cultural faux pas than anything else. But still, ignorance is a pain in my nalgas sometimes.
I tend to deal with most things with humor and sometimes my humor can be a little offensive à la Sarah Silverman, but I think it is hilarious. For example, what if Latinas started to say the same kind of things to white people that white people say to Latinas? Are you ready for this?
Read more ¿Qué más?: 10 Things you should NEVER say to a curvy Latina
Here are five things that Latinas should start saying to ignorant white people:
1. But you don't look white? I mean you have brown eyes and stuff, you can't be really white, you're just kind of a little bit white, right?
2. Too bad you don't have any rhythm. I'm going dancing tonight and I would invite you, but you wouldn't have anything to do while I dance.
3. You don't speak with an accent. You look so white, I thought for sure you would sound like you were from Texas or Ireland or something. Instead, you sound just like my cousins from Cali, how funny is that?
4. Does it suck to be bad in bed? I mean I'm Latina so obviously I'm great at the sex thing, but what about you? Are there some classes you can take or do you want me to give you some pointers? 'Cause if your moves in bed are like your moves on the dance floor, let's not even go there.
5. Well, you know how white people are! I mean not you, of course, you are different than most white people. You're not like the ones who smoke meth and live in trailer parks married to their cousins. What's up with that?!
Now before you get all pissed off at me, remember that I'm joking. Eats a yolk, as my mother or Sofia Vergara would say.
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