The process of accepting and dealing with our own fears and insecurities when we are told that our kid has any kind of special needs must be accompanied with love and patience. This is important for you and everybody around you. You are going through a difficult time and everybody needs to understand it. Unfortunately, people often don't know what to say, how to behave or what to do, and end up not doing anything.
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However, it's important that we all understand that those confusing feelings that both moms and dad experience–many times as a product of guilt and sadness–are only stages of the adaptation process that families go before being able to enjoy and celebrate their lives again.
It's not news that many marriages break, many families fall apart and many friendships are lost in this process. This is why I wanted to talk to you about about five basic things that we all should know about the experience of having a child with special needs.They are important for the parents and for the people who love them.
1. If you are in a relationship with a new mom who's child has been diagnosed as special needs, a family member or a friend, the best thing you can do for her is keep her company and listen to her. Make her feel your support. Don't pressure her or console her, wait for her to tell you what she needs. Sometimes, a sincere hug is the best gift in moments like that those.
2. This initial stages bring a lot of mix feelings and it's normal that those come out in many different ways. Many moms cry often, others get angry, others pretend to be strong or indifferent and avoid talking about the topic. A good friend or loved one can respect that, doesn't judge and understands that the most important thing is to offer unconditional support. A great way to show love is to respect the need of space, but never leave the person alone.
3. Often, a mom in this situation tries to prove that she doesn't need any help. It's a way to avoid pity for her or her child. There are organic ways to stay connected and give support. For instance, you can do simple domestic task that can lighten the load, but allow you to respect her limits.
4. It's not uncommon that the mother falls in a spell of postpartum depression if her special needs child is a newborn. The first weeks with a new baby are overwhelming enough, but add to that such an unexpected diagnosis. Sometimes, friends and family members criticize the mom, but that just makes things worse. The best they can do is to respect their mourning for the image of that perfect child. It's a natural way to open space and understand that the love is exactly the same. If the mom doesn't seem to rebound from this stage, it's important to get professional help__.__ Post-partum depression is a serious illness that can put in danger the lives of the mother and her child.
5. Leave your prejudices at the curb and be ready to receive this new family member as an individual without pre-conceptions. This is the best gift you can give the parents in this process, the full support of their family and community, and their best efforts to learn.
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