My gringa friends have been raised much more independent thinking than so many Latinas whose identities and self-worth are largely defined by the collective experience and success of their familia.
Today my youngest sister and her family are relocating to Miami and leaving Chile (where my mom, dad, abuela and extended family all live) because her husband got a better job there. My youngest sister is the last one of my siblings to leave Chile. My other sister lives in South Africa. Only now do I truly understand what it's like for a mamá Latina to let go of her pollitos as they grow older and pursue their own dreams no matter where they may take them.
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Where does this leave my mother whose whole life has revolved around her daughters and grandkids? She was raised with the traditional belief that Latinas are primarily defined by motherhood, primary caregiver and homemaker and that she is supposed to sacrifice her own needs for those of her familia.
Thank God that in her 40s, in dealing with her daughters leaving to go live abroad, she discovered her own passions. She took up golf and started to walk as a form of exercise and meditation. Recently she enrolled in some art courses and last year she created some beautiful pieces. She is now part of a Woman's Golf League in Chile and she starts her day walking at least three miles! She's gone out of her way to reconnect with old friends and find other new people who share her passions.
This year my daughter was the first in the familia to go away to college and she moved just three hours away by car. I adore my kids and hope to be an integral part of their lives and their kids' lives but I also want to pull upon my American side to build an independent life that allows me to also pursue passions that feed my self-worth and independence. I don't rely like so many other Latinas on my kids' lives as the sole source of satisfaction and happiness. I don't want to end up alone after they form their own families and pursue their own paths and have less time for me.
Regardless, I do hope that they don't move too far away as I know firsthand how hard it is as a mamá and as a daughter to have a constant feeling of emptiness because her family all lives far away*. !Buena suerte hermana! !Te quiero!*
Image via Corbis
