Whoever said there's no such thing as a stupid question has obviously never walked a mile in a Latina's shoes. Day in and day out, we're subjected to some of the most inane questions ever known to man or woman. For instance, someone once asked me if I spoke Mexican? ¡Te lo juro! As if Mexican were a language. I should also note that this person was trying to get my number, so I gave it to him. I told him my number was ten–as in the number of stupid questions regarding my ethnicity I had been asked that week, so far.
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I get that some people are just eager to learn more about Latino culture, and so I try to be patient and answer their questions as best I can. However, when it comes to really weird inquiries or questions that border on the wrong side of racist, I tend to get a little sassy with my answers. See for yourself!
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Do you speakie English? If I didn't, do you really speaking to me in broken English will help me understand you better?
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Do you mind translating this document for me? Listen, my name is not Rosetta Stone, so please stop asking me to translate for you. Use Google translate, like the rest of us.
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Do you know J.Lo? Of course! Every Puerto Rican from the Bronx knows Jennifer Lopez on a personal level! She and I have a mini reunion once a year and ride the 6 train together. Or … maybe that's her stunt double. I don't know.
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Latinas don't believe in abortion, right? It exists whether we believe in it or not. Whether we agree with it is a different story; that varies person to person. I can't answer for everyone.
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Why don't you have a big booty? Because my mother insisted on keeping all the booty genes to herself. How greedy of her, right?
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Can you call me papi? Technically, I can. But I won't, because Maury Povich called, and he said you are NOT my father!
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Don't you just loooove Taco Bell? No, I do not enjoy eating fake Mexican food, especially when it's made with fake beef and cheese. It's like eating the food equivalent of Pamela Anderson.
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Why don't you speak Spanish? Probably for the same reasons you're not fluent in Spanish; my parents never spoke to me in Spanish … unless you count being told off in Spanish. In that case, I'm super fluent.
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Why are Latinas so sassy and hot blooded? Because we have to deal with people asking us stupid questions, like all the dang time. Also, we chug hot sauce.
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