Being a mom is a wild ride, but doing it without the other moms in my life would be totally out of control. From family matriarchs and my beloved tías to my closest friends and confidantes, the moms in my mom squad have lifted me up and given me courage, strength, and hope through all the ups and downs motherhood has brought me. Oh, and they sometimes bring wine and treats, too, so there's that.
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Seriously, though, I've learned so much from the other moms in my life, and I can only hope that sharing my own experiences has helped other moms in return. With motherhood comes the highest highs and the lowest lows, and it can often be such a challenge just to get through the emotional hurdles, let alone the physical demands, of being a mom. Knowing I'm not alone, that many of the moms in my life have survived the very same things, can be such an encouragement. And of course, there's the practical stuff, too. Here are some of the most important things I've learned about parenting from my #MomSquad village:
It all starts with love.
Many of the times since becoming a mother that I've worried whether I'm doing it right—or even worse, when I'm worried that I might be ruining my kids for life—there's been another mom there to assure me that if I love my kids enough to worry about such things, I don't have anything at all to fear.
Just pick up the baby.
My own mother was the first one to assure me that you cannot spoil a baby. Never feel guilty about holding your baby. It doesn't matter if she's happily playing on her own or going on three hours of inconsolable tears, just pick up the baby, and don't feel guilty about it.
Breastfeeding is hard, until it's not.
Breastfeeding was one of the things I struggled with the most during the newborn stage with both of my babies. I knew very few people who had done so, but I did get to watch one of my closest friends struggle through the first few weeks and survive. When it was my turn, she was there to assure me that it would be hard for a while, but that one day it would get better. And it did.
There's nothing wrong with a frozen pizza.
Sometime in the first few days after having my first child, one of my aunts came over with food, including a frozen pizza. It was a processed food I didn't really eat at the time, but I soon learned that a frozen pizza comes in clutch when you have a baby whose moods and sleep schedules are unknown factors. My kids are 9 and 5 now, and I still keep one in the freezer at all times. There always needs to be a backup plan for a quick, easy dinner, because life with kids is often unpredictable.
The laundry never, ever ends.
One experience that I share with all of the moms in my life is the never-ending laundry. It doesn't end. It just doesn't. And folding teeny, tiny clothes takes forever. But you know what else my mom squad has taught me? The laundry can wait. It's not going anywhere, so it's OK to leave it for a bit while you read your kids an extra book, get in a workout, or—dare we say?—take a nap.
Kids are capable.
As a first-time mom, I did way too much for my son for way too long. I shared the burden of all the tiny tasks with precisely no one (while my husband was at work during the day), but it didn't take long for me to realize that kids are way more capable than we think they are. One day, me and one of the other moms at the playground were chatting, and she told me that when she became a single mom, she started making her toddlers dress themselves. And you know what? They did. By the time I had my second child, my first was making simple meals, dressing himself, and cleaning up after himself. As my second got older, she learned even earlier.
Be truthful.
My mom was really big on truthfulness and honesty. She never had much of a censor, and I remember her telling me when I was very young that I could talk to her or ask her about anything and that she would always tell me the truth to the best of her ability. I always admired and respected that about the way she parented, and I do the same with my kids.
Build them up.
My grandmother—who came to the United States from Puerto Rico in the decade after the Great Depression, when she was still a child—always said to all of us grandchildren, "You can be anything you want to be." Her words were simple but powerful, especially when you think about how many children grew up not having a clue what the world could hold for them. Just like she did, I try to build up my kids as often as I can. The world will tear them down; it's my job to lift them up.
Mom knows best.
As I've watched each and every one of the moms around me parent their children, I've witnessed them all make different choices and decisions for how to raise and run their families, and they've proven that no matter what, every mom knows what's best for her family. There is no right or wrong way.
The rules go out the window the second time around.
When my first child was a baby and even a young toddler, I was strict about the rules. He didn't eat any sugar or processed foods, he hardly ever got screen time, and he rarely stayed up past bedtime. More experienced moms knew better. On more than one occasion, a mom of two or even three would give me the side-eye when I wouldn't let my son have a juice box. Now I know what she already knew: The rules go out the window after that first baby.
A bath helps.
When it's the end of the day and you're exhausted and your baby is exhausted and everyone is fussy and cranky, sometimes the only thing that can help is a bath. When I was deep in the thick of new motherhood, my mom taught me this trick to get through the "witching hour," and it became a nightly thing for a while. I still sometimes throw my 5-year-old in a bath when she's tired and whiny but there's still an hour or two before bedtime.
Let them fight.
My aunt, whose kids are actually 10 years apart, told me to let my kids fight and try not to get involved. It's still hard sometimes, but I've seen the benefits. Allowing siblings to fight in the loving and safe place that is your family teaches them how resolve conflict, and it's something that will continue to benefit them their entire lives.
Get outside.
One of my dearest friends has always been very committed to getting her kids outside daily, regardless of the weather. She does this not just for the kids but for her own sanity. Being cooped up indoors together for too long is not good for anyone. Fresh air, sunshine, and vitamin D are all great mood lifters, and getting outside gives kids a chance to burn off their energy more freely and countless opportunities to explore their own environment. Even just a few minutes a day or quick walk around the block can totally shift a day from negative to positive.
Spending time with other moms is important.
As an introvert, I can go weeks and weeks without hanging out with friends and still think everything is OK. But no matter how awesome your partner is, no one understands what it's like to be a mom but another mom. Sometimes just hearing other mom's stories is enough to make you feel sane again.
They will always need you.
No matter if your kids are 3 or 30, they will need you. As I've watched my grandmothers, mother, aunts, and even friends with kids older than mine raise their children, I've witnessed their children return to them again and again. I've learned that no matter what, no one takes the place of mom. Once you're a mom, you'll always be a mom.
