Parenthood is a trip. It's crazy and because it's crazy, you find really crazy things coming out of your mouth. Sentences you never would have imagined uttering until the moment that you actually utter them become sort of commonplace.
Other parents totally get it because they find themselves saying absurd things to their children too. Still, there are some things that are so shocking even to yourself that they will make you blush as you say them. I have one particular thing that I had to say to my two daughters that makes everyone blush when I tell the story. It never stops me from telling the story, though.
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I know that one day, I will need fodder to embarrass my daughters with or at least things to use to threaten them with, so far here are some of the most disturbing things I've had to say to my kids and don't be surprised if you find yourself saying something similar to your kids because I know I'm not alone on this crazy parenting adventure:
"Do not stick your finger in your sister's butt!!!"
"Your mocos go on a tissue, not on the wall."
"Honey, I love you, but please don't lick my face."
"No, that is not another chi-chi, that is my belly."
"It's pronounced FOR-R-R-K, not fuck."
As for the story that makes everyone blush when I tell it, it has to do with the very first item on the list above. My two daughters were taking a bath together and before I knew it, one was telling the other to stick a finger in her butt and was starting to bend over, when I yelled, "Do not stick your finger in your sister's butt!!!" You would think that would be the end of that, but no. They started crying and kept crying for the longest time because they just didn't understand what the big deal was. Keep in mind that they were 4 and 2-years-old at the time. You know I'm going to tell that story at Thanksgiving when they are teenagers and acting aloof.
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