Being a parent does a number on an otherwise rational human being. Trust me, I know, I used to be a rational human being and now I am anything but. I find myself doing the most ridiculous things and acting like an idiot most of the time. It's not intentional, I think something just happens to you as soon as you become a parent. I don't know what it is, but I know that other parents will back me up on this because I witness them behaving like I do and just give them a knowing nod. This is by no means a comprehensive list I don't have time for that people, I have kids! Here are five ways that parenting turns you into an idiot.
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Your saliva becomes a perfectly acceptable cleanser. GROSS! If anyone tried to clean your face with their saliva you would freak, but as a parent, you see nothing wrong with spitting on a rag and then wiping your kid's face with it.
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You use your purse to carry absurd essentials. You may not carry lipstick in your purse anymore, but you will have a plastic bag in there in case you need to dispose of a dirty diaper or put soiled clothes in it. You also probably have enough snacks in there to feed a small army or one preschooler for days.
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Your go-to response becomes, "Because I said so!" How dare your child question anything you ask of them?
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You get so accustomed to watching your language that you could ordering be ordering pasta and will say, " I would like the P-U-T-T-A-N-E-S-C-A, please."
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You can only remember things associated with kids. You know their birthdays, social security numbers, weight and height at birth, but when someone asks you for your phone number you have to look it up on your cellphone. I mean it's not like you call yourself all the time.
Whatever, I embrace the idiot that I've become.
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