This piece is addressed to all the parents out there. If you are not a parent, kindly avert your eyes after forwarding this to all the parents you know.
Okay parents, as insiders, we all know that parenthood or at least active parenthood, not the deadbeat irresponsible kind, changed our lives in ways we never could have imagined. It's crazy, right?! You know what else is crazy? Pulling the parenting card on your non-parent friends. Don't do it, it's tacky and unnecessary. Not sure what I'm talking about or if you are actually guilty of pulling the parenting card? Stay tuned.
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You are guilty of pulling the parenting card whenever you use your status as a parent to diminish, belittle, or undermine someone who is not a parent. Here are some example of pulling the parenting card and things you should never say to non-parents:
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Pointing out that "fur babies" are not children. You sit around and mount an auditory assault your non-parent friend with stories of your children: how often they poop, what their poop gets on, what you feed them to make them poop. Then when your non-parent friend tells you a similar story about how they had to stick their finger in their cat's butt because it had a hairball stuck in there, you get all indignant and tell them that a pet is nothing like a child. No shit, Sherlock?! I'm sure your friend is aware that you don't leave your baby alone for hours while you work and expect them to feed themselves out of a bowl you left in a convenient place for them in the kitchen. Maybe your friend is just trying to get a word in edge-wise.
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It's just different when you have kids. Your non-parenting friend shares a candid heartfelt concern about ANYTHING affecting the world or the future and you bust out with something like, "If you're worried about that, imagine how you would feel if you had kids. It's just different when you have kids. Everything means so much more." Ugh, don't do it!
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You think you're tired?! It's true, parents are more tired than non-parents. We win! I am not going to argue with that, but if your non-parent friend is suffering from insomnia telling them that you get less sleep than you do is an A-hole move. Sheesh, most likely you chose parenthood (I hope) and your friend is not consciously choosing insomnia. Yes, your kids keep you from sleeping, but they also give you love and all sorts of other benefits. Your friend isn't getting crayon drawings or slobbery kisses from insomnia.
You get the picture, right? So go on and comiserate about the difficulties and challenges of parenting with your friends who have children as well, but respect the wholeness and integrity of your friends who aren't parents. They are not somehow less than because they don't have kids, they may never choose to be parents and that's okay. The world would be a pretty boring place if we were all the same.
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